Pregnant

The longest I've been single (in life) has been 1 year... (after a broken engagement) ...

I love being single. (who would have thought those words would come out of my mouth. let alone be written in my blog!)

It is nice. I think about myself first. I'm taking care of myself. Doing the things that I want to do. Finding out again what I love. My time is my own. My dreams are my own. My friends are my own. I can accidentally meet up with a girlfriend and her family at Applebees on a Friday night. I can on a whim decide to go Salsa Dancing with my sister. Hang out with my family until wee hours in the morning. Plans can change as many times through out the day as I want and it doesn't matter. I have time to read (haven't done that in years). I have time to think for myself. Time to pamper myself. To get to know myself.

My dreams of the future in the past have been to get married, settle down and have kids. (I still would like to do that someday) But first will pursue my dreams (goals) to 1. pay off my debt 2. Travel 3. Further my Experiences and Education 4. Be involved in ministry with women and social justice

I've ignored these things for too many years! Now it's time to accomplish them.

I feel like I'm pregnant.
With dreams of the future.
Where I want to travel - what I want to do.
They are my dreams... not "mine and fill in the blank"

I've been through MANY pregnancies with friends (last year alone 9 friends and 22 acquaintances were pregnant). I've experienced the ups and downs with them. The joy of seeing the first ultrasound picture, the morning/evening sickness, hearing the heartbeat, having swollen feet (and everything else...) feeling the baby kick, seeing the baby move - (CREEPY and so beautiful at the same time). Being amazed that there is a LIFE growing inside of them!

I know there will be joys and sorrows in this pregnancy also! I'll get to see little glimpses of what the future could look like. Little snap shots. There will be times that I just want it over - I will want to see the dream now, hold it NOW. I will be tired of carrying it. But it will be worth it! I can't wait to "birth it" - this may sounds weird... but it's the only way I know how to describe it!

When a woman is pregnant she needs the 9 months of pregnancy - I'm so glad that a baby isn't born within a week of conception (whew - imagine what that would look like)!!

The Mom and Dad need: Time to adjust. Time to enjoy the experiences her body is going through. Time to have good days and bad days. Time to dream about the possibilities of the future. Time to get the room and house ready. To decorate to prepare.

The Baby needs: Time to grow and develop. To be protected when it wouldn't survive on it's own. To be nurtured. Held in the womb. Time to be dreamed about and cherished.

I need: time. To prepare. To develop. To hope. To have good days and bad days. To feel sick to my stomach and dance with joy when I feel movement. I'm excited - because this is my own. Not determined by any other person - or any other thing. I love it!

Jeremiah 29:11
"I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans of a Hope and a Future"

Isaiah 55:8-9
"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts" says the Lord. "And my ways are far beyond what you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."

Those verses make me ecstatic for the future. For today!

I like being preggers! (haha)