I said

I said I won't.
So I will NOT.

believe self deprecating thoughts.
listen to things that aren't true.
not take care of myself.

I will fight for my thoughts.  Taking each of them captive.
I will believe in myself
and know that I was created for specific purposes.
I will pursue my dreams.
I will give my all.

This will not be just a phase. 
something I start but never finish.

I'm going to finish and finish strong.

I said "I'm going to."
So I WILL.

blessed by the unexpected.

I came home from {Zumba} today and my dear friend told me she had a book for me to read.

It is called, "The Bride" by Rhonda Calhoun.  It is "an allegory based on the Song of Solomon" - our walk with God is a lifetime of intimacy that leads to active partnership.

She read me this portion of the book.  It is on page 219 - she opened the book and noticed this portion of the page because the font is different from the rest of the page.

"Lovely Lady, {at the first words... lovely lady I was crying}

     Your Bridegroom King is committed to you.  He understands that your dedication to Him must be absed on the strength of His commitment to you, not on the strength of your love for Him or your ability to do what is right.  There is nothing you can do to cause your Beloved to love you any more than He already does.  Neither can you do anything to further attract His attention, for you have already conquered His heart and His thoughts are continually on you.

     Your King neither sleeps nor slumbers.  He intercedes for you day and night. He will see you through! He is enough.  You cannot save yourself.

     Lovely Lady, I, too must step behind the scenes for a season, but remember that I am always with you.  It is for the sake of love that We allow this fiery test.  And remember that love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.  Love never fails!  

Forever Your Friend and Companion, 

Comforter"  

{the majority of my life I've had a problem believing this 
but these words come at an amazingly poinient time!}

The tears didn't stop as she was reading...  Knowing how much God cares about each of us.  We can't do anything to add to His love or take away from it.

THEN... she kind of giggled a bit knowing what was waiting for me on the sidewalk leading to my front door she said, "just wait till you see..."  So I walked up to my front door and saw this...

she wrote this before giving me the book - or even looking at the passage. 

I love when the unexpected things speak directly to where you're at.
And when God uses people to surprise us!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FRIEND!

good words from Prov. 15

A gentle answer deflects anger
The tongue of the wise makes knowledge appealing
Gentle words are a tree of life
Whoever learns from correction is wise
The lips of the wise give good advice
The Lord delights in the prayers of the upright
The Lord loves those who pursue godliness
A glad heart makes a happy face
A wise person is hungry for knowledge
For the happy heart, life is a continual feast
Better to have little, with fear for the Lord,
  than to have great treasure and inner turmoil
A bowl of vegetables with someone you love
  is better than steak with someone you hate
A hot-tempered person starts fights;
  a cool-tempered person stops them
Plans go wrong for lack of advice;
  many advisers bring success.
it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time!

life giving.

that is what I want to be. 

I heard on the radio this week that Eve means "life giving"
in my own search {online} it means LIFE. 

I think that it is interesting that the first woman created was named for life. 
Life giving.  

That is what I want to do.  That is who I want to be. 

I am definitely not always there. 
But it is a choice to bring life or death to any situation. 
I choose to bring life.  I choose to build up. 
I choose Love. I choose kindness.  I choose gentleness.  I choose Joy.  I choose Peace.  I choose faithfulness.  I choose patience.  I choose self-control.  These things bring life. 

This is who I want to be.  That is what I want to do.
bring life.

a story of forgiveness

I've shared this story with many people and am surprised when one of my close friends hasn't heard it.  I thought I would blog about it.  In case you ... who ever you are, wherever you are need a bit of encouragement in this area.  I pray that it touches and draws out a deep part of your soul that you may not have known or acknowledged before. 

Come with me to when I was about 10 years old. 

We're standing in my kitchen staring out into my backyard.  It was fenced in with a silver swing set. I had been hurt quite deeply and was praying.  I was praying for the person who hurt me.  Nothing specific - just praying.

I saw a picture in my head of this person standing in front of me - being choked by a thick rope. They were trying to pull it off - gasping for air.  I had a thought in my head clear as day, "that rope is your unforgiveness." 

I looked closer.  I didn't want them to suffer or gasp for air.  Then I saw a picture of the thick rope being sliced from their neck.  The cut was so distinct. One big sharp strike and the rope fell to the ground.  I had a thought in my head, again clear as day again, "that is your forgiveness..."

"it is your unforgiveness that keeps them bound.  We give tools to be used in others' lives and our own... in our choice to forgive or not."

This picture has been engraved in my memory so distinctly, it feels like I'm a 10 years old choosing to forgive again.

Forgiveness does NOT mean that the pain that has been caused to us is OK.  It brings the BEST.  In your life and in theirs.  It brings LIFE and a joy the you never thought you could feel.  A peace that passes all of our understanding.

Since that day staring out my kitchen door to the backyard I have seen a difference in their life... and in mine. 

I wish that none of us knew pain... but through pain we would choose to forgive.  It cuts the ropes that choke and bind.

This is one of my Stories of forgiveness.

in my weakness

2 Corinthians 8:3

for I can testify that they gave not only what they could afford - but far more.

I am learning to give out of my weaknesses in addition to my strengths.  It's easy to do what comes easy to me - but what about manning up to what is NOT easy for me... and doing it.  Whatever {it} is.  for me... here is me in my weakness:

lack of follow through
lack of motivation
spending too much $
talking too much
waisting time
moving slowly
accountability
attitude/heart

BUT.

"You have a faithful and compassionate High Priest who knows you intimately. He is willing to use His sward to sever anything that holds you back from Him.  He wants every unhealthy soul tie severed so only health will remain.  He will send His words to heal and restore your soul.  His angels will go where you now fear to tread and return every broken fragment of your soul back to you."

I found a BIG post it note with this written on it and thought that I would blog it. 

It was a time when I was having a really hard time with the mirror of my life.  The mirror that showed me a lot of the things that I wasn't doing... but now I see that in my weakness God can be and is glorified.  I don't have to have it all together.  I am a work in progress.  His progress. 

He wants me to have the best life possible.  He doesn't want anything attached to me that will hold me back.  So I will walk in that.  Knowing that in my weakness He is strong.  I am too - through Him. 

a wool sweater in May

yesterday I didn't wear a jacket or socks.
I was wrong and cold ALL DAY. 
I wasn't about to make the same mistake today.
I thought it was supposed to be warm...
it's MAY.

Today I wore layers... a black hooded long sleeve and a wool hooded sweater.
SO COMFY today. {backdrop to thoughts bellow}

I heard birds singing and wondered how in the world they will stay warm in this weather.
{they don't have a cute wool sweater}

They migrate up here expecting to have good weather.
to be warm. to build their nests. work to get their food. mate. have little birdies. and go on with their good life.

then they get HERE.  I'm sure it's not what they expected.
but how do they stay warm in this?

I was amazed at a small thought that came to my head
God knows their needs.  He cares about the birds enough, to create them with all they need.  It doesn't matter where life brings them he provides for them.  They are chirping in this weather.  They keep going.

It was an encouragement to me that no matter WHERE I am at - God does and will provide for my needs.  Even if I doubt the direction I'm going.  If I can't see what the future holds.  I will keep going and trust Him that He's given me what I need.  He's created me with an innate desire to know Him and pursue Him for my needs. 

Those were my thoughts hours ago - and then I read this:

Today’s Verse:

"My times are in Your hand…" (Psalm 31:15, NASB)

Today’s Word:

One thing I’ve learned is that God doesn’t always work on our timetable. In fact, He rarely does. But in a single moment, God can change your life! All throughout Scripture, we see examples of how God was working behind the scenes and instantly turned things around for His people. Scripture tells us He is the same yesterday, today and forever which means He can instantly turn things around for you, too! You may be going through some difficulty today, but be encouraged because your times are in God’s hands. He wants to accelerate things in your favor. He wants to take you further than you dreamed possible and work in your life in ways beyond what you have ever imagined. Let this truth sink down into your heart today. Resist discouragement by speaking His Word over your future. Keep standing. Keep hoping; keep believing because He is working behind the scenes. He’s going to accelerate your times and lead you into the life of victory He has for you!

Prayer for Today:

Father God, today I humbly come before You giving You all that I am. I trust that my times are in Your hands. I trust that You are working things out in my favor. I set my focus on You knowing that You are working things out for my good. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

Exactly what I needed to hear. 

Love.S