Held

On the other side of a nasty weekend - here are some things I've come away with.

No matter what we go through - we have the option to be held in it and helped through it... BUT we make that choice. We determine who we let in and what we listen to.

I've got a great relationship with my dad. I've always been his little girl that he bounces on his knee. No matter how old the 3 of us get he always wants to provide for us, protect us and take care of us so I think this weekend was a pretty rough one for him also.

I'm pretty sure that he was disappointed that I'm 27 years old and let important things like this slide - and also sad because he doesn't want to see me hurt.

He told my mom, "I wish that I could just take her and cuddle her to protect her from everything"... my mom said, "Dave, she's 27" but he still wants to hold me through it. (not physically... but metaforicaly) I don't think that a parent ever stops wanting to make the world a safe place for their kids...

I'm so glad that my mom told me this! On my way out of the courthouse I was walking to my car - and started crying - there was such a RELEASE that it was all taken care of. The ladies were nice, there were no lines, no more drama and it was DONE. It was DISMISSED!

I heard my mom's voice replaying, "Your father just wants to hold you and protect you" Then I got the thought, "If that's how much my earthly father wants to protect me... how much more does God want to hold me and protect me, in everything I go through?"

There are many things that come to the surface in my life when I go through loss. There is the heartache of it naturally - that nothing really but time can heal. But there are deeper issues that I am ready to get to the bottom of. they come to the surface and I stuff them back down - or run and hide. But IT'S TIME! I don't want to continue to struggle with them. I don't want to live the rest of my life like that. Feeling small and insecure. Worrying about everyone else before myself.

It is sad to me that it takes breaking to get me to that point - but I am thankful to be there and won't let it be in vein. I WILL cross over the bridge. Not just come to it and chicken out, or run away and hide.

I know that I am being held and know that there is a plan - and IT'S NOT MINE. Now it's my turn to hold on... to that!