Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Because of You

I'm stronger.
I'm wiser.
I'm better.
Because of you.

I never could have made it.
With out You.

{Marvin Sapp}

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

primer. continued...

I'd love to be the paint...

but... will wait until I'm the right paint on the right primer.
the best primer.

a wall can be primed and painted countless times
the amount doesn't matter
it should just be the best combination
it can take time to find the best color
but you KNOW when you've found it

I am being primed now
for a lasting paint.

He is priming me.
I pray that he is being primed too.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

primer.

When painting anything, it is good to prime it first. 
To make the surface ready to receive the paint.
The paint will last longer with primer under it.
The paint appears more vibrant & colorful when previously primed.

I'm tired of being the primer.
I desire to be the paint.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

New Pair of Shoes

after I was hospitalized last year and my life was changed
my shoe shopping had to change also.
I could no longer wear heals.

I LIVED in heals.
I ran in heals.
Wearing heals made me feel important and HOT.
Wearing heals could change a whole outfit and my mood.

That was taken away from me... because of the illness.
they caused migraines.
So OF COURSE I would choose health over "looking good" and wearing something that kind of "defined me" 

One of my nick names was "Suzy Shoes"  because all I wore was heals.

I share this - because it was a HARD CHANGE.
I still crave wearing my heals.
I think of what my outfit would look like in heals.
I'm SHORT... so I think of the height that I would have in them.

But I don't get to choose if I wear them now.
Actually I do.  I am choosing health and wellness
not my appearance.

It has taken me a while - but I like my new pair of shoes.
I am beginning to like flats.  It's a good thing they're in style now!

It was hard to get used to flats.
It is not what I wanted.
I fought it and seriously {sadly} cried about it a little bit
{that's how I handle things tears just come}

But now... I'm ok
Change is hard.  Especially when it's not what you want.

But I choose health and pursuing what is best
over what I want. 

Maybe someday I'll be able to wear heals again -
they just won't have the same place in my life. 
I'll wear them in a healthy way.
Not all the time... and they won't define me.

Change isn't a horrible thing.
It just takes some time to break in the new shoes.

{I think I will always prefer Heals... if I had a choice}

Friday, August 26, 2011

how small is a mustard seed?

this morning I got a message to pray for my friends dad.

he has been in the hospital for almost 4 months.

there is an ethics comity that are trying to get them to pull the plug and were meeting at 12:00pm

My first thought was, "I can't pray right now - I don't know if I have the faith that is needed for him.  I'm tried and worn out... how can I PRAY?"

then I was reminded - "Faith as small as a mustard seed moves mountains"

"I have at least that much faith.  I know I do!!"

I got off of work at Noon so instead of just driving home and praying for him.  I decided to call my friend - so that she could HEAR my prayers. 

It was amazing how my faith multiplied as we prayed together.  It weld up inside of me like a fire.  There was authority in the prayer.  There was a belief and excitement - knowing that God IS TRUE TO HIS WORD.  That He works ALL THINGS together for our good and His glory.  

The news that came back from the ethics meeting was great!  He sat up in the bed and shook his head to the question - do you want the ventilator taken out... that would mean you will no longer live...

he is in a lot of pain.  but has said that he doesn't want to be on pain meds because they are addicting ... he only wants Tylenol.  He is an amazing fighter.  Fighting for His life. 

I remember being in a hospital bed.  Not fully knowing what was going on.  But I could feel peoples' prayers, love and support.  Knowing that the people that I love were fighting for me when I couldn't fight made all of the difference in the world! 

I am here today I believe because of them.  It was not my time to go.  And we all are believing that it is NOT my friend's dad's time to go!!  We'll fight for him - when he can't fight.  And when he can we'll support and love him!! 

Sending prayers.  With faith bigger than I mustard seed. 

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

becoming.

a perfect reflection of His love.

this is not something that I can DO.
or ACHIEVE.
on my own.
it is something I am becoming.
I CAN become this in Him.

it's not the pursuit of perfection.  It's becoming a reflection of His perfect Love.

in this I'm becoming a perfect reflection of His love.

Monday, August 22, 2011

a scraped knee

at work this morning there was this little boy who tripped on this little girl's puzzle she had been working on all morning.  He was so apologetic to her for tripping on it... then noticed as he got up from the ground that he had scraped his knee. 

Tears began to roll down his face.  He went over to a couch and began to cry. 

As I went to help him he said, "No no no... don't look.  I'm ok."

I had to see if he really was ok - or if he needed a band aid.  But he was so insistent that I not look at his scraped knee that I knew if I insisted that it would make the situation worse.  So I asked him if he would like a hug.  He looked up and said "Yes" and then just snuggled in my arms for a bit. 

The tears were now streaming down his face.  My eyes started welling up with tears for him. I wiped his tears and gave him a few more hugs and said, "It's ok... I'll just look at your knee - I need to see if I can help" but he had the same reply.

He was embarrassed that he was hurt - and he didn't want anyone to worry about it.  It wasn't a big deal... but it was... his heart was a bit broken over it.  

I asked him if he wanted to sit on the couch for a while and he said yes... and cuddled into the couch by himself. 

Another little girl saw what was happening and as I walked away she walked up to him and said, "look... it's ok - I have owies too!"  This broke my heart.  She could see where he was at and wanted to help.  She could relate to him and let him know it was going to be ok.  She said to him, "Look... I have owies on my leg too..." and began to show him the 5 that she had on her leg {some were mosquito bites...} but they helped make him comfortable with his own scrape.  She reaffirmed him... "It's ok to have owies... they will get better."


She helped him open up and not be afraid to show his pain. 

This little boy has one of the most sensitive and precious hearts! So innocent and loving! 

I think as adults there are times {probably a majority of the time} that we don't want to show our pain.  We can say, "No no no.  I'm ok... I don't want you to have to deal with this.  I can handle it on my own."  

BUT - if we would learn from these little kids - who don't always know how to communicate - but most of the time they communicate better than we do... it's better to let someone in, hold us and cry with us and help us get through painful times in our lives. We CAN let people see our scratches or  bumps, mosquito bites... or deep scars.  We don't have to hide the imperfections in our lives. Whatever it is - we can let people see it and help us heal.  

I learned a lot today from that little boy and little girl - and his scraped knee.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

trust. vs. fear.

I know I need to trust and not fear.  So I choose to do that now.  Instead of listing all of the things that I'm afraid of - I'm going to list the things that I trust. 

I trust that God has a plan.
I trust that He knows it and will reveal it when timing is right.
I trust that it will be His timing - NOT mine.
I trust that His will for me is good - pleasing and perfect.
I trust that nothing can stand between us.
I trust that He is pursuing me.  For my whole heart.
I trust that He has my best interest in mind.
I trust that He is for me - not against me.
I trust that He will give me the desires of my heart.
I trust His love.
I trust His friendship.
I trust His guidance.
I trust who I am in Him.
I trust that He WILL complete what He's started.
I trust He will fulfill his promises.
I trust that I will be and am HELD.

Friday, August 19, 2011

{sleeping beauty}

excerpts taken from: 

This is an amazing book that I have been meaning to read for a couple of years.  I started it - but haven't finished it.  I'm only allowing myself a chapter a day so I can digest the information. I have struggled with my "self worth" for a major portion of my life {which I've blogged about here}.  I am on an amazing journey to see myself for who I am.  I am LOVED.  Deeply!!  Deeper than I've known. 



{SLEEPING BEAUTY}

"This ancient fairy tale calls to men and women alike, it captures the simplicity of childlike words the deepest and dearest desire of every woman... that she might awaken from a passing nightmare and find herself forever transported by LOVE.

Imagine what it would be like to be rescued by a LOVE bigger and stronger than any of our chains, a LOVE capable of navigating the deep emotional moats surrounding your life.  It is a LOVE brave enough to face off anything threatening your heart.  This rescue would include an escape from dark fortresses of our own construction, far too often we are the architects of our own demise.  That LOVE would break through the isolation of walls we have built to keep others at bay

How remarkable to discover that while we waited in dark slumber, a lover, noble beyond compare, fought through every barrier with the burning desire to awaken us with a kiss. 

The princes was caused to enter a deep sleep and a prince heard stories of her... there was an urgency for him to find her - it was her time to awaken. 

It was a long hard journey, and his supplies did not match the length.  He was repeatedly tempted with discouragement - but the prince pressed on. 

Only one lone tower had managed to remain above the reach of the thorns.  The prince knew in this tower she waited for him.  He saw the tall thorns and had thoughts of going back but it was her whisper, faintly bidding him to come.  With renewed strength the prince wielded his powerful sword and hacked through the thorns barring his entrance.  With every blow... he knew he was closer to waking her and making her his own.

Her time of waiting had served her well, and she had become more beautiful in her rest.

The prince moved closer to her, still breathing hard from the battle.  But when he paused at her and looked at her in her rest, she was breathtaking. The Prince was so moved he wept.  Propelled by a desire that had grown deeper with his journey, he embraced her tenderly.  His warm lips rested on her lifeless ones and then he straightened himself and watched for her response. 

Her eyes slowly opened as she saw her prince she smiled a sweet, sleepy smile as she lifter her hand to his tear-stained cheek.  When her fingers touched the trail of his tears, her own began. 

She was face to face with the very one of whom she had dreamed.  

The one she's never seen but always known. 

At last.  It was He!  There was no turning back for either one of them; she had captured his heart with just a glance.

All that was before was gone; the past was but a shadow fleeing at the brightness of His love. 

He had found her... bone of His bone, flesh of His flesh.  She was His desire.

{we ALL want to be breathtaking} 

She loved Him in a way she only dreamed possible.  

It is time to awaken to His call and begin to dream again!

Periods of anticipation create greater longing and desire in each lover, and the greater the desire, the stronger the passion and more ultimate the fulfillment.  The most precious things of life come at the expense of a waiting period.  But they are ultimately worth it, for a longing fulfilled is a tree of life {Prov. 13:12}  God's promise will always bring with it life.


Love always begins with a dream.
we must first surrender them to God. 
Death and disappointment are often the greatest precursor to the fulfillment of our deepest desires. 

Why would He ever deny the ultimate fulfillment of the dreams He placed in us?

It is time to rest and dream God's dream for you. 
God is faithful to fulfill His promise and asks only that we trust His love and His dream for us.  We must awaken from hopeless, oppressive slumber and rest in His promises."

THANK YOU LISA BEVERE!  
Thank you for your insight and your call to pursue the greatest LOVE of all.  To turn to God and let Him pursue me and accept His unfailing, unconditional LOVE.

Monday, August 15, 2011

{Jason Upton - No Sacrifice}

To you I give my life, 
 not just the parts I want to
To you I sacrifice these dreams 
 that I hold on to

Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
This is no sacrifice
Here's my life

To you I give the gifts
Your love has given me

How can I hoard the treasures
that you've designed for free?

Because
Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
This is no sacrifice
Here's my life

To you I give my future
As long as it may last
To you I give my present
To you I give my past

Because
Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
This is no sacrifice
Here's my life

Saturday, August 13, 2011

I said

I said I won't.
So I will NOT.

believe self deprecating thoughts.
listen to things that aren't true.
not take care of myself.

I will fight for my thoughts.  Taking each of them captive.
I will believe in myself
and know that I was created for specific purposes.
I will pursue my dreams.
I will give my all.

This will not be just a phase. 
something I start but never finish.

I'm going to finish and finish strong.

I said "I'm going to."
So I WILL.

Friday, August 12, 2011

blessed by the unexpected.

I came home from {Zumba} today and my dear friend told me she had a book for me to read.

It is called, "The Bride" by Rhonda Calhoun.  It is "an allegory based on the Song of Solomon" - our walk with God is a lifetime of intimacy that leads to active partnership.

She read me this portion of the book.  It is on page 219 - she opened the book and noticed this portion of the page because the font is different from the rest of the page.

"Lovely Lady, {at the first words... lovely lady I was crying}
     Your Bridegroom King is committed to you.  He understands that your dedication to Him must be absed on the strength of His commitment to you, not on the strength of your love for Him or your ability to do what is right.  There is nothing you can do to cause your Beloved to love you any more than He already does.  Neither can you do anything to further attract His attention, for you have already conquered His heart and His thoughts are continually on you.
     Your King neither sleeps nor slumbers.  He intercedes for you day and night. He will see you through! He is enough.  You cannot save yourself.
     Lovely Lady, I, too must step behind the scenes for a season, but remember that I am always with you.  It is for the sake of love that We allow this fiery test.  And remember that love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.  Love never fails!  

Forever Your Friend and Companion, 
Comforter"  

{the majority of my life I've had a problem believing this 
but these words come at an amazingly poinient time!}

The tears didn't stop as she was reading...  Knowing how much God cares about each of us.  We can't do anything to add to His love or take away from it.

THEN... she kind of giggled a bit knowing what was waiting for me on the sidewalk leading to my front door she said, "just wait till you see..."  So I walked up to my front door and saw this...


she wrote this before giving me the book - or even looking at the passage. 

I love when the unexpected things speak directly to where you're at.
And when God uses people to surprise us!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FRIEND!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

good words from Prov. 15

A gentle answer deflects anger
The tongue of the wise makes knowledge appealing
Gentle words are a tree of life
Whoever learns from correction is wise
The lips of the wise give good advice
The Lord delights in the prayers of the upright
The Lord loves those who pursue godliness
A glad heart makes a happy face
A wise person is hungry for knowledge
For the happy heart, life is a continual feast
Better to have little, with fear for the Lord,
  than to have great treasure and inner turmoil
A bowl of vegetables with someone you love
  is better than steak with someone you hate
A hot-tempered person starts fights;
  a cool-tempered person stops them
Plans go wrong for lack of advice;
  many advisers bring success.
it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

life giving.

that is what I want to be. 

I heard on the radio this week that Eve means "life giving"
in my own search {online} it means LIFE. 

I think that it is interesting that the first woman created was named for life. 
Life giving.  

That is what I want to do.  That is who I want to be. 

I am definitely not always there. 
But it is a choice to bring life or death to any situation. 
I choose to bring life.  I choose to build up. 
I choose Love. I choose kindness.  I choose gentleness.  I choose Joy.  I choose Peace.  I choose faithfulness.  I choose patience.  I choose self-control.  These things bring life. 

This is who I want to be.  That is what I want to do.
bring life.


Monday, August 1, 2011

a story of forgiveness

I've shared this story with many people and am surprised when one of my close friends hasn't heard it.  I thought I would blog about it.  In case you ... who ever you are, wherever you are need a bit of encouragement in this area.  I pray that it touches and draws out a deep part of your soul that you may not have known or acknowledged before. 

Come with me to when I was about 10 years old. 

We're standing in my kitchen staring out into my backyard.  It was fenced in with a silver swing set. I had been hurt quite deeply and was praying.  I was praying for the person who hurt me.  Nothing specific - just praying.

I saw a picture in my head of this person standing in front of me - being choked by a thick rope. They were trying to pull it off - gasping for air.  I had a thought in my head clear as day, "that rope is your unforgiveness." 

I looked closer.  I didn't want them to suffer or gasp for air.  Then I saw a picture of the thick rope being sliced from their neck.  The cut was so distinct. One big sharp strike and the rope fell to the ground.  I had a thought in my head, again clear as day again, "that is your forgiveness..."

"it is your unforgiveness that keeps them bound.  We give tools to be used in others' lives and our own... in our choice to forgive or not."

This picture has been engraved in my memory so distinctly, it feels like I'm a 10 years old choosing to forgive again.

Forgiveness does NOT mean that the pain that has been caused to us is OK.  It brings the BEST.  In your life and in theirs.  It brings LIFE and a joy the you never thought you could feel.  A peace that passes all of our understanding.

Since that day staring out my kitchen door to the backyard I have seen a difference in their life... and in mine. 

I wish that none of us knew pain... but through pain we would choose to forgive.  It cuts the ropes that choke and bind.

This is one of my Stories of forgiveness.