the things I'm not confident in

I find it easy to volunteer things that I know I can do...  things I know I'm "good at".  

But what about the things that I don't want to do?  Or the things that I'm not confident in? What does it say about me if I don't volunteer those too?  

I'm challenged to offer areas of myself I'm not confident in, areas I don't know I'll succeed in.  I'm excited to invest because there's a need.  Not because it's something I like to do.

It's a good place to stand.  A place I'm not confident in.

... a picture is worth how many words ...

I've wondered lately about the passion for photography... what is it about pictures... and taking them that sparks LIFE?

we get to be a part of

Moments of Beauty.
Moments that take one's breath away.
Moments that remind of deep love and passion.
Moments that bring tears.
Moments that bring joy.
Moments that capture growth.
Moments that will never be had exactly that way again.
Moments to remember.

There is something so fulfilling in the interpretation of a moment. capturing it. then giving it to someone to enjoy for as long as it is around - for generations.

Photography is capturing history. A personal history. Whether it's engagement shots. weddings. pregnancy. new life. families. sr. pictures. etc.

I'm thankful whenever we're asked to be a part of someone's history.

(Photo Blog coming soon.)

My Blog

so... if you're reading this - you should push the "follow" button at the bottom of the page.

honest - I'm feeling a bit insecure that I only have 4 "followers" as of today So if you like what I write - you should "follow me" (weird to write "follow me") but seriously. Hope you enjoy!

to sacrifice for what you love is essential.

to settle is not an option.

a thought similar to this came from a friend who is engaged and looking to buy their first home. the search had felt endless. looking at house after house. people said that she was being too picky...


can you be too picky when you are looking for something that you love? she was not looking for or asking for perfection.

she would sacrifice certain things - but she would not settle for something when she knew that there were more houses out there. they didn't have to decide today. they could wait (should wait) for the house that was "right" for them.

...

the day we had this conversation they found a house they fell in love with. it has all the things that they NEED - and most of the things they wanted. she could sacrifice wants for needs.

the analogy of her story is as big or as small as you'd like.

too often in life we settle. maybe i should just speak for myself. too often in life i settle. for whatever the reason.

the thing is: SACRIFICE is essential when you love something/someone. it's a part of life. a part of love. you HAVE to give. you GET to give.

are we too afraid of sacrifice? are we too afraid of giving up our own rights, that we choose to not put another person or thing in front of ourselves? am i too afraid of sacrifice - to pursue a dream?

the price of sacrifice today is worth the promise in tomorrow. the cost of settling today will never be worth the heartache of tomorrow.

can i make you smile today?

just a thought.

Change

Can't be known until you're faced with a situation where you would act a certain way... and then you don't.

You're not the same.

True changed has occurred.
It's pretty sweet.

a girl who doesn't have much

But what I have I want to give.
I have to give.

We are each responsible for our own lives. Making sure that we're healthy - on all levels. Beyond that we are responsible for each other also. We need each other. We were created that way. To need community. To crave community. To thrive in community.

No one wants to go through hard times. No one wants to go through what seems like hell on earth. No one wants their heart broken. No one wants their dreams crushed. But in those times we see what we're made of. We see and know who our friends are. We get to experience a level of love, community and blessing that we may have never known with out the unthinkable pain.

I have a friend who is going through something that I do not know how I would survive. He has depended on God's strength and his friends and family around him. His story has wrecked me!

It is amazing to me how God uses our deepest pain to bring about the most overwhelming joy. I'm believing that for him. I'm thankful that when we don't have strength on our own - God provides people in our lives to give what we need, to remind us of His love.

I don't have much. But what I have I'll give. We'll see what God will do with it!

Pregnant

The longest I've been single (in life) has been 1 year... (after a broken engagement) ...

I love being single. (who would have thought those words would come out of my mouth. let alone be written in my blog!)

It is nice. I think about myself first. I'm taking care of myself. Doing the things that I want to do. Finding out again what I love. My time is my own. My dreams are my own. My friends are my own. I can accidentally meet up with a girlfriend and her family at Applebees on a Friday night. I can on a whim decide to go Salsa Dancing with my sister. Hang out with my family until wee hours in the morning. Plans can change as many times through out the day as I want and it doesn't matter. I have time to read (haven't done that in years). I have time to think for myself. Time to pamper myself. To get to know myself.

My dreams of the future in the past have been to get married, settle down and have kids. (I still would like to do that someday) But first will pursue my dreams (goals) to 1. pay off my debt 2. Travel 3. Further my Experiences and Education 4. Be involved in ministry with women and social justice

I've ignored these things for too many years! Now it's time to accomplish them.

I feel like I'm pregnant.
With dreams of the future.
Where I want to travel - what I want to do.
They are my dreams... not "mine and fill in the blank"

I've been through MANY pregnancies with friends (last year alone 9 friends and 22 acquaintances were pregnant). I've experienced the ups and downs with them. The joy of seeing the first ultrasound picture, the morning/evening sickness, hearing the heartbeat, having swollen feet (and everything else...) feeling the baby kick, seeing the baby move - (CREEPY and so beautiful at the same time). Being amazed that there is a LIFE growing inside of them!

I know there will be joys and sorrows in this pregnancy also! I'll get to see little glimpses of what the future could look like. Little snap shots. There will be times that I just want it over - I will want to see the dream now, hold it NOW. I will be tired of carrying it. But it will be worth it! I can't wait to "birth it" - this may sounds weird... but it's the only way I know how to describe it!

When a woman is pregnant she needs the 9 months of pregnancy - I'm so glad that a baby isn't born within a week of conception (whew - imagine what that would look like)!!

The Mom and Dad need: Time to adjust. Time to enjoy the experiences her body is going through. Time to have good days and bad days. Time to dream about the possibilities of the future. Time to get the room and house ready. To decorate to prepare.

The Baby needs: Time to grow and develop. To be protected when it wouldn't survive on it's own. To be nurtured. Held in the womb. Time to be dreamed about and cherished.

I need: time. To prepare. To develop. To hope. To have good days and bad days. To feel sick to my stomach and dance with joy when I feel movement. I'm excited - because this is my own. Not determined by any other person - or any other thing. I love it!

Jeremiah 29:11
"I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans of a Hope and a Future"

Isaiah 55:8-9
"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts" says the Lord. "And my ways are far beyond what you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."

Those verses make me ecstatic for the future. For today!

I like being preggers! (haha)

"Risky Living" Chris Caine

Most people Run from Lions... Not to them

2 Sam 23:20-23
Beniah chased a lion into the pit and killed it.
Lions run 35mph jump 30ft into the air

The right place often seems like the wrong place and the right time often seems like the wrong time!

If he hadn't ended up in the pit with the lion... Would he have been the kings bodyguard.??

It's in our pits on our worst days that God is preparing US for what he's got planned FOR us!!

Where you are right now... is on the way to where he's taking you!!

Keep taking risks! Keep chasing lions!!

How do we do that? 5 things to do...

1. Learn to defy the odds
The more the odds are stacked against me the greater glory God will get!! That's what God specializes in... God loves the impossible

Matthew 19:26

Hope you're "so far out of the boat people say... That's impossible!" elevate my faith to what is possible with God

Judges 7:1-7

The Lord said to Gideon... You have too many warriors with you! ...
Started with 32,300 men - you're going to take the credit... Because you have enough! I'm going to strip from you the things that you're comfortable with... Just getting you set up for a win!

If it happened the other way you would think it's about you. Your gift

2. Unlearn our fears. Our irrational fears.

2 Tim 1:7

You need an antidote to your fears!! Don't let fear take root! Grab it before it gets out if control!

There are things God wants to do in your life...
DO THINGS afraid!!! The fear doesn't go away if you run from it!!
The fear of failure is not success... It's a little failure!!
Expose yourself to small quantities of what we're afraid of!
Advance with wisdom... Not pulling back in fear

3. See problems in a new way!
See it differently! Keep Gods perspective! Don't zoom in on your problem! Zoom in on God!

Most if our problems don't have to do with our circumstances... They have to do with our perception

We usually reduce God to our biggest problem!

Adversity is the seedbed of opportunity!!

You're not meant to live without tribulation!!
Don't run from it! Engaged in what He's doing! I've got more ground for you to take!

4. Dare to look foolish!
Faith is a willingness to look foolish! Noah looked foolish building an ark in the dessert. Sara buying maternity clothes at 90. ...

1 Corinth 1:27

Normality is highly overrated!!

5. Stay curious playful eager!

2 Sam 6:20-22

God's looking for a generation that says I'm not going to let fear hold me back..

God is calling us to places we've never been!

time well spent down under: THE CLIMB

*Warning - This blog may be all over the place - because I'm so excited!*

Background:
You may or may not guess/know this about me - I am a WUSS - and have been a fearful person most of my life...

Here are some fears - just to list a few
(please don't think that I'm neurotic... actually, if you do I don't really care - because I'm not afraid of what people think anymore!) ha.

Spiders. Being alone. Stairs (or anything that I could see bellow me). Bats. Roller Coasters (if I'm not on the side with the stairs.) Bridges. Not locking the door once I'm home (someone coming in). What people think of me. Not getting to say goodbye to someone I love.

These fears controlled me... paralyzed me. NOT ANYMORE!

I didn't know that I would face my fears and get over them in AU. I had NO CLUE! But I am changed. I'm not fearful anymore. Seriously it's amazing! :OD

I went to Australia gripped by fear. It had provided some sort of sick comfort. I think that I craved attention - so in my fear I got that attention. (ouch the truth is ugly!) There was something that IN being afraid - I was being taken care of. (note - one of my fears is being alone).

Christine Caine (who is one of my favorite women!) was preaching about "risky living" which is definitely NOT ME! I want to live that way - but don't. I liked my fear too much!


She talked about how she was afraid of flying (the woman travels 300 days out of the year now... she CAN'T be afraid of flying!) She wouldn't be able to do what she is MEANT to do - if she was still afraid.

Chris said, "It's time to look fear in the eye and Face Your Fears!" At that moment I KNEW I needed to climb the bridge. My sister and I had talked about doing it - but ran out of time...

I knew I needed to do it by myself! (again... fear of being alone). I wasn't going to tell anybody. I was just going to do it and show the pictures for proof after. BUT if I didn't tell anyone... I could have backed out. So I told a few friends. I called the Bridge Climb office and gave them my check card number and booked the climb (once you book it - you can't get your money back). SO... I was going to do the climb.

The day of the climb came. I gave myself 2 hours to find the place (I'm a bit directionally challenged). Mom called as I was sitting there waiting - so I let her and my sister know that I was doing it... (I was so glad they called - because if that was the last time I talked to anyone - I got to say I love you and they could pass it on!)

I was petrified! I climbed with 9 other people and the Guide "Bernie". We had to introduce ourselves and say why we were doing the climb. I told everyone that I was, "Suzy from MN and I'm climbing the bridge to face my fear of bridges and get over it!" they all clapped. It was nice! Until I had the suite on - everything clamped to me and I was on my way up the ladder!

I seriously didn't think I was going to make it up the 10 foot ladder to a graded podium (that I could see bellow me) and back down. My heart was beating out of my chest and I was beginning to get dizzy. The worst thing is we had to stand on the top of the 10 foot podium and WAIT to get down. I knew I had to concentrate and get serious!

I was right next to the guide. He looked at me and said, "Suzy... your life will be transformed today. When you come off this bridge you'll be a changed women! No one will recognize you - your fear will be gone!" It took everything in me not to start balling! I looked at him - determined (not believing it yet) and said, "AMEN" that's all I could think of!

We began the climb. I was shaking and almost peed my pants - just reciting over and over, "I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who strengthens me. I can do all things... through Christ" It was going over and over in my head while I white-knuckle gripped the railings of the stairs. Then I decided to look around and it changed to, "I AM doing all things! ... Ooh - that's a pretty building. This isn't so bad!" Then it was just steps. No more ladders - and I was latched to the side of the bridge. As long as I didn't look down I was fine!

Then Bernie announced that it was "Suzy's Right of Passage! Time to get over this fear!" The whole group cheered. I looked back and it was as if they were pushing me. I walked across a little cat walk (ABOVE THE 8 LANES OF RUSH HOUR TRAFFIC...) Bernie stopped in the middle and said, "Look Down." So I did. My hands gripped the side as I began to look down. Then it wasn't that bad and I just started laughing!

That was it.
It was over.

I wanted to say, "You don't got nothin' on me!!" Actually... I think I did say that!

How could something that was so paralizing be gone so quickly? I'm not sure but it was!! So I made it to the other side! The group cheered I smiled! Then Bernie started going the wrong way... we HAD to go to the summit and he turned right instead of left to go to the top. So I said, "Bernie, where are you going - we've gotta go to the top to get pictures (so I can PROVE that I did it!)"

He said, (in all his wisdom) "Suzy - sometimes it looks like you're going the wrong direction - but then just at the right moment (he turned on the wire) you realize you're going exactly where you need to." He just kind of giggled. I'm sure by this point he figured out that I like to know exactly what's happening.

Haha... another funny thing that God has been showing me. "I don't have to know it all!" (blog to be posted soon).

So I just laughed and followed!

We made it to the top. I got my pictures. And then we went down.

It was AMAZING! It was life changing. There were moments that I wanted to share it with someone special... but then I was so glad that I did it by myself!!

The best part has been AFTER the climb! There is truly a change in me. I feel it everyday.

I laughed on the way down at the stairs that I was so petrified of on the way up.
I went looking for bats that afternoon. I jumped on the grates on the sidewalk as I walked down the street that day. I just smiled as we drove across the Sydney Harbor Bridge a few days later. 2 spiders made webs in my windows at home (big spiders too... for MN) and I just looked at them and smiled. I love being alone (for the first time in my life). I'm not looking for something or someone to fulfill me! I don't need the attention that fear provided. The trade off is not worth it.

I can proudly say again... I'M NOT AFRAID.

I've had some cool things happen in my life. But I must say that this climb has been the most life changing experience so far! I've been saved from the grip of fear that once held me.

time well spent down under: Face Time

I love how the right people come into our lives at the right time! I also love that we can't know the impact they will have on our lives in the long run - but we can be thankful for today and acknowledge what they mean to us today. Face time with friends in Australia was amazing. I learned things about myself that I didn't know I needed to learn. I saw new things in myself that I haven't seen before.

It was

So much fun.
So much music.
So much laughter.
So many mates.
So many prayers.
So little sleep.
So much uneaten food.
So many chocolate covered strawberries.
So much confusion (interpretation please).
So much family.
So much comfort.
So little internet.
So many "lemon-lime bitters"
So little dancing (cause I can't dance!)
So many "hot drinks"
So many smiles.
So many taxis.
So much snoring. (haha!)
So many trains.
So many Church Services.
So many cards.
So many conversations.

It was nice going through everything face to face.

I don't know if A PERSON can change your life. But I know my life has been changed because you've been in it! No matter what life brings.

I've grown. I continue to grow. It was everything I needed and more.

time well spent down under: Hillsong

"Once your mind is stretched by a tremendous adventure of faith, it will never again return to it's original shape." I won't be the same

I'm trying to collect all of my thoughts about conference - there are so many that I don't know where to start... so let's start with the basics.

Faith. Hope. Love

That was the emphasis at Hillsong Conference 2009.

Faith that Acts.
Hope that Believes.
Love that Trusts.


Faith that Produces.
Hope that Prompts.
Love that Inspires.


Faith in the midst of Circumstance.
Hope for the Future.
Love for Others.


The funny thing about Love is - it's not what love says - but what Love does inside of us! Let's have Hope that doesn't disappoint because of lack of Love! - Pastor Brian

Faith Hope and Love - the greatest of these is Love. 1 Corinth 13

It was amazing to be in a place - with people that are DRIVEN by these 3 things!

Driven by a Faith that is Unshakable. A Hope that is Relentless. A Love that Never Fails. Never gives up. Always trusts. Knows exactly where we're at. Knows what we need. Does not - WILL NOT hold back the best from us. A love that does not keep records of wrongs. A love that if we choose to let it - will change our lives.

LOVE has changed my life.

I believe everything happens for a reason.

People change so you can learn to let go.
Things go wrong so you can appreciate them when they're right.
Sometimes good things fall apart so the Best things can fall together.
-author unknown-

a Beautiful friend of mine gave me this.

It's good to look at life and appreciate what we have! No matter what stage we're in. Whether it's in a time of letting go. A time where things seem to be going wrong. Or when everything seems to be right. Good things in life can fall apart to make way for the Best things to fall together.

Living life - and loving EVERY stage!

this song broke me.

Tear down the walls see the world
Is there something we have missed
Turn from ourselves
Look beyond
There is so much more than this

And I don’t need to see it to believe it
I don’t need to see it to believe it
Cause I can’t shake this
Fire deep inside my heart

Look to the skies hope arise
See His majesty revealed
More than this life there is love
There is hope and this is real

Cause I don’t need to see it to believe it
I don’t need to see it to believe it
Cause I can’t shake this fire burning
Deep inside my heart

This life is Yours and hope is rising
As Your glory floods our hearts
Let love tear down these walls
That all creation would
Come back to You
It’s all for You

Your Name is glorious
Glorious
Your love is changing us
Calling us
To worship in spirit and in truth
As all creation returns to You

Oh for all the sons and daughters
Who are walking in the darkness
You are calling us to lead them back to You
We will see Your spirit rising
As the lost come out of hiding
Every heart will see this hope we have in You

Cause I don’t need to see it to believe it
I don’t need to see it to believe it
Cause I can’t shake this fire burning
Deep inside my heart

This life is Yours and hope is rising
As Your glory floods our hearts
Let love tear down these walls
That all creation would
Come back to You
It’s all for You

Your Name is glorious
Glorious
Your love is changing us
Calling us
To worship in spirit and in truth
As all creation returns to You

Tear Down These Walls - Hillsong United

... It's been a while ...

I just came back from an amazing trip to Australia.

I haven't had consistent internet in about a month and a half. Now it's back to reality! My time in AU was so great! Filled with just about everything that you can imagine. (the stories and blogs will be coming).

It's good to be back! I just spent the weekend with my fam! Laughing, eating, playing cards and doing a lot of nothing... except being together. It's so good to just be in the same room together! We don't get that too often only about twice a year... but those times are the BEST times!!

Love them. So much.

More to come soon. (sorry if it's a lot all at once - there's so much in me to write about). Hope you enjoy! It's been a while