Day 6: of {30 days till 30}

My Surprise{s} came today FROM IOWA.

My cousin Steph and her baby girl Lily {who is not a baby anymore} surprised me at my door!

We went to Leann Chins - they "don't have those in Iowa" and it's been one of my favs and I haven't had it in forever!

Looking back through out the years Steph and I have always been close.
From family times and the THOUSANDS {literally} of pictures - Steph was always holding me.
We started to get closer when I was a freshman in High School.
I remember she called one night and we talked for 3 or 4 hours.  It seemed like it was just minutes.
Steph was getting married soon and asked me to be her personal attendant.
It was the first time that I was "involved" in a wedding.
I remember being with her through out the WHOLE DAY - soaking up every minute of it.

I remember the photographer saying, "kiss each other and hold it..."  then he looked at me and said, "Wonder how long they'll hold it"...  we laughed and waited until they felt uncomfortable and looked to see if it was OK to stop.

So Steph - thanks for helping with the start of something I never knew I'd grow to love so much.  Capturing Life... and amazing love.

You've got an awesome man as a husband.  Since I heard of Brian and met him way back when he felt like a big bro!

Remember London and Scotland - the plane ride.  It is the first and only time I've been nervous on a plane... because you were GRIPPING my arm for the whole take off and landing - and a few times in between!  Jet Lag was fun.  Making a video diary.  Touring London by boat.  Going to Scotland by train.  Seeing all of the awesome sights and meeting new awesome people.

I remember when we would walk the streets at night - or anytime really I was protective of you... you had never been out of the country!  So I was ready to take anyone out who got near to us!  :)

Remember when your kids were just a dream.
And how much God did in your life {and mine} on that trip.
Now look at your family.
Brian, Josh, Nate, Lily and soon to be Zach and Nora.

I am so blessed to have you as my Family!
To have you as my friend!

Though you're in Iowa and we only see each other a few times a year I love being able to catch up with you when we do and share heart to heart stuff.  The depth of things!
I respect you and love you so much!  You're an amazing woman.
Mom. Wife. Friend. Daughter. Cousin. Professor. etc. etc.

So...

Thank you Steph {and Lily} for being my Surprise today!  

It's awesome to see you and spend time face to face!

Love you!!

Day 5: of {30 till I'm 30}

I have had AMAZING times with people that I love in the last few days.

Today I received a surprise message on FB from a great friend as a part of the {30 till I'm 30}.  Totally made my day.

It's a funny thing to go through... not knowing what your day is going to hold - just knowing that some days - there is an assigned time and place that I'm supposed to be "somewhere" {I don't get to find out WHERE until that day of... I know TIMES for the things that are planned - but no details} and the other days I have no clue what's going to happen, but "something is planned."  

so every day won't be filled with someone IN PERSON... but I want to write about it anyway because people have told me that they are following this {HOW FUN} so I'm going to take those days  to write about things that I WILL DO when I'm 30.  I won't just try to do them, but I will DO them.

Here is one thing I WILL DO while I'm 30 {not 31+ 30}.

I am going to write a book.  

It has been pacing around in my head ever since I could acknowledge and understand my thoughts after the illness. 

I think about it everyday.

It is like those TVs or programs where you have one show that takes us most of the screen - but if you want to watch something else you just click a little button and another show appears in a corner of the screen so you can go back and forth between the two.

That's one of the ways that I can describe this.
It's in me all of the time - I just have to get it out.
So where do I start??
I just START.  and then if it's supposed to be published - it will be.
If it's just for me and the people I love - it will be.
I just need to get it out.

So here is a little glimpse!

These are some thoughts for chapters... I'm sure they will take different forms as I write them... but they are the main things that I tell people about - when I tell them about the last year and being {held}.

Where I keep my thoughts and growth.
It's amazing to read back and see how much has happened and the growth in the last year more even in the last few months.

{I'm EXCITED for 30}

I had to get a picture of myself with my thoughts.
To remind me:
To take time and invest in myself.
To pass on - the things that I'm learning.
To dream BIG!

That's my "surprise" today... it's ME. 
{and I think something else... not in person but I don't know yet - because it's a surprise}

Here are some thoughts from my journal ... 

don't ask "if" a dream can start
ask "how" it will start... then MOVE.
{Chris Caine}

Don't wish things were easier - wish you were better!

If things were made easier you would have too much competition for what YOU are meant to do

When something doesn't look like it's going to happen
Remember, looks can be deceiving!

When there is a mountain in front of you
If you don't climb it - there are no back up plans
You'll be there, stuck.
Instead of building muscle and strength by climbing
{Pastor Steve Crawford}


What your past says about you doesn't need to echo into the future {or today}
{Chris Caine}

I can "go with out" for today

because I know I will be "FULL" tomorrow!

{context - great things are worth the wait - no matter what the dream is}
{me}


Embrace the pain to change.
There is no easy way, but to FEEL it.
{Pastor Rob Ketterling}


Feel what you feel when you're feeling it.
{Krista}
It will make the long journey shorter!
{me}

There is MORE in you than you're doing right now. 

Find it!


{Matt 16}
"Who do you say I am?"
now that you have a revelation of who I AM

let me tell you who you are!

Redefined. Renamed.


If you want to change your perspective - you've got to change your posture
{Chris Caine}

Hope is not wishful thinking!

{Pastor Rob Ketterling} 

God's response to a nightmare is a dream!
{Lisa Bevere}

When someone compliments you
respond,
"I know ;) Thank You!"
this shows a confidence that we ARE fearfully and wonderfully made!
No matter where we are at in life.

I know that I'm wonderful

{this is a new concept for me... but I'm loving it! - you should too!} ;)

So when you're complimented you should say, "I know." {with a smile... not cockiness... I think there may be a fine line}.  It will totally throw people off - in a good way.  {It has when I've done it}

SO... there will be more of my thoughts coming on the days when I'm not physically surprised with a person!

CELEBRATING LIFE!
{together}

30 days till 30...

Day 4: of {30 till I'm 30}

Amy Ellwanger!!

Krista told me to "stand in front of Cheesecake Factory @ 1pm"
I got a HUGE smile on my face when I heard where I was going!
CF is one of my favorite places...
and I knew I'd be seeing one of my favorite people.

SO miss Ellwanger has inspired me for years, with out even knowing each other.
This picture {taken almost 2 years ago} was an inspired from one of her pictures.

{THE STORY}
I was babysitting for a family that Amy nannied for.
I saw a picture like this of the family's son...
I thought, "I want to take a picture like that some day."
then one of my best friends had her 3rd little boy and I KNEW I NEEDED to take it.

One Sunday at church Krista and I met this sweet girl named AMY.
We found out later {much later} that SHE was "Amy"
I told her the whole story and now she is one of my close close friends!

Last year on Sept 25th Amy was shooting a wedding with me.
She saw everything unfold first hand.
{I had a hemiplegic migraine which led to a small stroke and lost everything}

She completed the wedding and has been an amazing part of my life.
I'm so thankful she was there.
For the things we've been through.
For the friendship we have.
For the advice we exchange.
I laugh so hard and so much when I'm with her!

So today...
Our server asked if we were celebrating anything...
so Amy said, "Yah... her Birthday... we actually her sister did this thing - she set up 30 days of 30 - because she's turning 30..."
The server thought it was so sweet {AGREED} and she brought this:

You KNOW me WELL when you get me a this!
I was GIDDY as I reached in the bag and got to drink it on the way home
{I was not driving when I took this picture - I just couldn't wait to get out of my car to take it!}

 

Not JUST a naked drink... but a Mighty Mango Naked Drink.

Amy.
I'm so thankful for you in my life.
I know that everything happens for a reason.
And that people are in our lives for specific times and purposes.
You've been in my life for some of the most critical times.
I'm thankful that we'll be life longers... not just for this time.

I love you!  You're gorgeous!
"You can't get nectar out of the wine... so STOP TRYING!"
so many more things to laugh about and learn with you!
Thank you for an amazing lunch and for being an awesome friend!!

Day 3: of {30 till I'm 30}

I was sitting in the conservatory at Como Zoo playing solitare on my phone waiting for "SOMEONE" I heard heals and turned and saw my cousin Sarah!

I was so excited to see her.
I was a bit anxious - because this was the first day that I didn't know ANYTHING about.
Sarah and I have always wanted to hang out - outside of family shin digs - but haven't much
Hopefully this is a start of a new thing!

I thouroughly enjoyed hanging out.
We talked for 3 HOURS.
We had a lot to catch up on.
She is amazing.
Brilliant.
Beautiful.
on the inside and out.

I love when you leave your time with someone
and you feel better than before you were with them.
That's how I feel today.
Learning about my cousin.  Where she's been. Who she is.
Sharing where I've been and who I am.

I loved laughing with you Sarah
talking about deep things.
hard things. sweet things.
how we are going to change the world
and what we think and "know" about ourselves!
"today I can live with out - knowing that tomorrow is full"'
"You're gorgeous..." "I know - Thank you!"

I love you Cuz!
Thank you for celebrating LIFE with me!
Our lives.  Our futures. and Today!

Day 2: of {30 till I'm 30}

the last time I went to Olive Garden with Megan
I was SO CONFUSED by the menu.
they asked me if I wanted a "super salad"
or something rediculous like that
{"super salad" = soup OR salad} haha...
I looked at Meg COMPLETELY confused.
not knowing what salad I liked - or what it even was
I decided I would just get what she got and pretend it was what I wanted
Typically when I go to restaurants that I've been to before
I order THE SAME THING...
I don't deviate from this too often.
not KNOWING what I liked made me deviate!

I've remembered since what my favorite meal is there:
Garlic Herb Chicken Con Brocolli
{mmmm... SO GOOD}
but of course they don't have it anymore
so I had to find a new favorite.
Haven't found it yet - so I guess that means I need to visit OG more.

i LOVE spending time with Family!

Colvins...
what do I say about you.

my LIFE would not be the same with out you.
You have become my blood.
Loving me through the hardest times and best times.
encouraging to grow past where I've been.
We balance each other.
You bring joy to my life!
All of you.

Maverick - you are an amazing loving little man.  
I'm thankful for the first months that I got to be around you whenever I wanted.
"5 minutes" of coming upstairs turned into hours of holding you in my arms
playing with you, laughing with you and just staring at you.
You are a handsome little man who brings EVERYONE joy!
You are LOVED and wanted!!


Marley - "Baby Girl" 
You're my favorite baby girl. You bring JOY.
You are smart.  You are beautiful.
You keep going and going and going.
You have faith like a child and have a great memory.
You are concerned for other people - you want them to be careful.
You are carefree and love
Cooking.  Singing. Dancing. Praying. Your friends and family.
You have got such a sensitive heart and spirit.
I'll never forget when you gave me one of your blankies.
I have loved watching you grow and being able to be a part of it!
I'll always be "YOUR Suz"

Reggie - 
you've played so many roles in my life in the last 3 years.
protector - meeting guys at the door before going on dates with them
care taker - making sure that I'm doing alright
counselor - advice on life and pursuing dreams
encouragement - to keep going and invest everything
big brother - watching out for my best, calling me out on things that need to be called out
rescuer - {bailing me out from my hours in jail}
thank you for everything you do.
for working so hard to provide and to give.
thank you for wearing your heart on your sleeve.
thank you for leading your family {including me}

Megan - 
man... where do I start.
I remember hearing about you from Krista and wanted to know you.
She had stories from Life Group and Africa.
You were already "family" with Krista and then God opened doors for you to be my Big Sis.
I can't tell you enough how much you have meant to me in LIFE.
I love our talks.  Whether it's 5 minutes and a quick catch up
or all night long as we're hanging out with the kiddos
or when we both were home at the same time in the middle of the day.
You are one of my best friends.
I am so thankful and excited to go through each step of life together.
Thank you for your love and your giving spirit.
Thank you for your honesty!
{an honest answer is like a kiss on the cheek}
shows how much you care.
Thank you for sharing your life with me! {and your clothes!} haha.
Your advice and prayers have meant the world to me.
You are gifted.
You are blessed.
You are loved beyond measure!

Colvins. Thank you for being such an influential part of my life!
I love you!  To the moon and back!

Day 1: of {30 till I'm 30}

i LOVE surprises. 

I don't know if I can explain to you how much i LOVE surprises. 

I have got the most amazing sister in the world.
she knows me inside and out.
she knows what I value and love.
she is my best friend.
I love that each year that goes by we grow closer and stronger.
I admire her.
I respect her.
I look up to her.
She is amazing.  not only for what she does
but more importantly who she is.

What she has done is pretty stinking ridiculous {I use that word quite a bit for great things - that need a bit more emphasis}

I'm turning 30 on October 25th {1 month from today}
most people freak out when they turn 30
but I am excited.
One year ago TODAY
I got sick.  Really sick.
{hemiplegic migraine that led to a small stroke}
I was in the hospital for 7 days
with no memory or ability to function on my own
and took about 8 months to be FULLY FUNCTIONING

this is something that I have been {HELD} in.
I have never been alone and am reminded that I'm not alone.

I am a very emotional person
and wondered how I would handle this day.
She has gone out of her way to contact the people that are dear to me...
I'm going to be showered for the next 29 days with love and LIFE.
I know "something" is happening and she has cleared my schedule
for just about everyday - but I don't know WHAT is happening
{isn't she ridiculous!?!}

This means more to me than anything I've experienced. 
she doesn't pursue "planning things" but when she does it
they turn out in the best way - because it's done with all of her.
she puts everything into the things she does.

Thank you Sis - for everything!
For loving me and doing all of this.

Here is a little piece of my 1st day {of 30 till 30}

MY DAD.
was the first surprise.
we came home from watching the Vikes and there was this on the kitchen table

My favorite flowers!  :)
An amazing note
WOOL SOCKS - I am always cold

His note made me laugh and cry
{all in a good way}

"Suzy, 

Our family has been truly blessed by having you as an integral part of it.  Thank you for being the person that you are. 

When I held you for the first time, I'm pretty sure that if you could have winked at me, you would have.  I do remember that you had a sparkle in your eyes and a smile.  That's a really nice way to greet your new Father!  I believe that the best days of your life are ahead of you. God has many great and tremendous promises that He desires to fulfill in your life! Only you can know what God wants to do with you each day.  He only promises manna for each day.  That means you need to depend on Him each day.

Surely goodness and mercy will follow you all of the days of your life!"

Love from one of your biggest fans. 

Dad"

thank you Dad.
thank you Sis.
Love you with all of me and I'm excited to be surprised.

I've learned that I do like any surprise.
whether it's good or bad
{I'd definitely prefer good ones...}

but when we come to the things we don't expect in life 

we learn what we're made of.

God's response

to a nightmare 
IS A DREAM. 

I am dreaming for this year. 

2011 was not what I expected - BUT GOD. 

He uses all things to work together for my good 

and the good of those who love Him according to His purpose. 

I am excited for what this year will bring!

Today is a new day. 

an exciting day. 

a beautiful day.

I will remember today as a celebration of {LIFE} 

not the death that could have been.

dreams. desires.

are a funny thing.

they change. and grow.
they can shrink. and come back.

I've heard the verse,
"God will give you the desires of your heart."
to try to console me in situations in life.

good intentions. good words.
amazing promise.

God IS giving me the desires of my heart.
it is not what people are assuming it is.

I usually get through things and understand them with pictures.

I have a picture in my head of a Gallon of water.
there is a teaspoon of food coloring that is dropped into the container.
the water is colored.  it's not CLEAR.
but as it moves through the water it becomes more transparent.
people naturally want to see and pay attention to the color that is fading

the teaspoon of food coloring with out the water seems bold.
but as it's poured into the water it changes.

I am more concerned about the water than the food coloring.

the gallon of water is my life. 
my whole life.
the joy.
the dreams.
rekindled love.
knowing that my future is already planned.
it is my choice to pursue it.
to move.
to know my deep desires.

My desires are to:

Love the Lord with all of my heart. 

My mind. 

My soul. 

In all of my ways acknowledge him. 

My desires are not attached to a person.
they are not attached to a title.
they are not attached to a life style.


They ARE attached to Him.
it's funny how desires change.
God has given me the desire of my heart. 
Him.


I am excited for the dreams that were planted MANY years ago have been rekindled and will be fulfilled.  {with no due date attached.}

SPARKLE conference 2011 {HOPE}

here are some bite sized pieces of what I heard from this weekend at SPARKLE.

hope you enjoy and are touched in an area that you need.

God is preparing you.
For what He has prepared FOR you.

God doesn't have expiration dates.
When He promises. He fulfills.
In His timing.

There is no reason to limit God, to the possible.

God is incredibly interested in the small details of your life.
{He knows the numbers on your head - when you sit and stand}

We confuse God's "due season" for a "due date"

Between 2 laughs... 

Genesis 18:10-14

 ¹⁰“I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son.”
Now Sarah was listening at the entrance to the tent, which was behind him. ¹¹ Abraham and Sarah were already very old, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. ¹² So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, “After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure?”
 ¹³ Then the LORD said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Will I really have a child, now that I am old?’ ¹⁴ Is anything too hard for the LORD? I will return to you at the appointed time next year, and Sarah will have a son.”

Sarah was limiting God to the natural 

We try to explain away God's promises and rationalize why they haven't happened. When we start to do God's job for Him - we do dumb things!

If I had fulfilled the promise before the appointed time... you would abort it in the natural.  You haven't Judged Me Faithful yet...

God very often and very rarely does things the way we think He shouldn't.

God's thoughts are so much higher than ours.  Will we trust Him with that space in between?

He who promised IS FAITHFUL.

Genesis 21:1-2, 6

The Birth of Isaac

 ¹ Now the LORD was gracious to Sarah as he had said, and the LORD did for Sarah what he had promised. ² Sarah became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham in his old age, at the very time God had promised him.  ⁶ Sarah said, “God has brought me laughter, and everyone who hears about this will laugh with me.”

She was filled with laughter at the promise fulfilled.

{Go from the laughter of unbelief
To laughter of Faith and hope}

the very thing the enemy wanted to take you out with
God will use for His glory and your good.

You can't accept the promises of God until you have an authentic relationship with God.

You can start "bad" and finish "good" Chris is an amazing example of this
{left at birth "unnamed and unwanted - just a number.  Abused starting at the age of 3 - for 12 years}

she is "living her life every day to make the enemy REGRET what he tried to do to her - how he tried to take her out!"  - awesome way to look at life.  Living LIFE to the FULLEST.  No matter where and what we came from.  It doesn't mean that we have amnesia about the past - it is just used and transformed through Hope of a Future!


These are some notes from our first night of Sparkle with Chris Caine. 
She is amazing.  She is a spit fire!  She is IN LOVE with Jesus and knows who He is in that she knows who she is!

So thankful that I went this weekend!
It was a continuation of the story God is writing in my life.

"Why Pray?."

a person dear to me and instrumental in my life
asked this question.

"why pray?"

I was a bit surprised at the question and they were too.
they wondered why they were asking it but didn't run from it.
they pursued the answer.

knowing that asking this question 
is not questioning God or their faith
it is a fair question and that no question is too big of a question.


"If God is 
Omnipotent {all powerful}
Omniscient {all wise and all knowing}
Omnipresent {always present}


why do we pray - when He can just DO THINGS.  
He can DO whatever He wants."


The answer that my dear friend got was:


"Everything has got a Natural progression. 
Cause and Effect. 
If one thing happens - there is a natural response.


PRAYING CAN CHANGE THAT NATURAL RESPONSE OR PROGRESSION. "

I like that. I experienced it yesterday. 

{this BLOG is 2 parts - started 2 weeks and sat as a draft until now.  I didn't know where I wanted to go with it.  The words weren't coming - I'm going a completely different way now than when I started writing - because I've experienced something that I believe proves it's true} so stay with me if you can...

Thursday morning 9/22/11
I got to work @ 7:30 - parked my car in the same place I do everyday.
I grabbed my belongings and went in.
{I saw my computer out of the corner of my eye - but didn't grab it.  It was on the floor of the passenger side}

Our center is making a transition to using more environmentally friendly cleaning products that will also save on expenses... one of the teachers asked when they would get their mop for their room. That I forgot in my car - so I ran to my car "quickly" to get it.

Little did I know that when I went to my car for the mop this would be what I found.

I was in shock.
my car didn't look like MY CAR I wondered for a second if it even was my car.
but I KNEW that it was.
Those moments replay in my mind in slow motion.
seconds felt like hours.
I ran into the building to let the director know that my car had been broken into
and my laptop was gone.
The police were immediately called and I called my insurance company


Through out this time people were giving me hugs saying they were praying for me.
Praying that it would all work out how it's supposed to!
I cried a little - but then went into survival mode.

It took almost an hour for the cop to get there.
He was very nice, calm and sweet.
He helped with everything and told me to call them with the serial number and he'd let me know as he knew anything but it would probably be at least a day or more.

I went home to find the serial number for my computer.
I asked my dad if he could help me find it.
He was pretty upset that someone would do this {as a papa bear is}.
We searched for a little while and he told me after I found it,
"I was reminded to forgive whoever did this... though I didn't FEEL like forgiving them - I chose to"
I yelled out "Found It!"
this was seconds after he decided to forgive them.

I called the cops with the serial number - so if it showed up in a pawn shop they would have it listed as missing.  The Cop said that this was probably the best thing that could happen.  I asked him,  "about what percentage of missing computers come back?" and he said, "I haven't seen one come back in a case like this.'

My personality has typically been one that worries.  Quite a bit.
I would mask it with "I'm just looking out for people"
but worrying is not a good thing.  What good will it bring.
This is a change that's been taking place in my life. 

On 9/22/11 I did not worry. 
I was concerned about what I would do if it wasn't returned - but I didn't worry.


I prayed, 
"Lord, whoever took my computer - STOP THEM IN THEIR TRACKS.  Make them distracted or do something they weren't planning on doing - and bring my computer back."

I had no doubt in my mind that I would get it back.
There was a Peace that goes beyond what I understand - that the Bible says we can have.
I had it!

I drove back to the center to take care of things there.
A man came to fix my window right away {that was awesome}

AND THEN I GOT A CALL...

"Ms. Wigstadt, It's Officer __________.  How is your afternoon going?"

"I'm good besides the fact that I don't have a window in my car and my computer is gone... but you know..."

"Well... it's about to get A LOT better."

"What...?  Shut Up!  They found my lap top!!?  Are you saying they found my laptop?"

"We've got your computer!  It's exactly how you described it."

That morning on the ride into work I was singing, "You make all things work together for my good" over and over.  I love that song.  There are days that I believe that with all of my heart and there are days that believing it or accepting it is harder.  It wasn't hard today.  I started off the day knowing and enjoying the fact that no matter what would happen that "all things work together for the good of those who love him"... Man I love Him!

I went down to the police station and got my computer.
They had also taken a few more things.
I got it ALL BACK!  Yesterday!  With in hours of when it happened.
{They said this NEVER happens} :)

The NATURAL PROGRESS in a situation like this is:
Something is stolen.
You report it.
Can take forever to get it reported and for follow up.
Usually you don't get it back.
File an insurance claim.
Pay a deductible.
Never FULLY get back what you've lost. But it is replaced.

Prayer was the tool for God to intervene and MAKE {HE MAKES ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR OUR GOOD} he does it... not the prayer - prayer is just the tool for Him to do it!

What DID happen is:
a couple {1 male, 1 female} broke into my care between 9:00 - 9:20am
stole my lap top etc.
went to another car in a town home complex a few miles away
they were rummaging through a car and an elderly man saw them
it was HIS car
he confronted them and asked what they were doing
they drove off
the elderly man got the license plate number
man called the cops.
the cops found the car
called it in and SAW MY laptop 
they called me and said that they had it.

While they were trying to steal from someone else
we were praying that they would be stopped in their tracks and my possessions returned.

With out prayer - I believe that natural cause and effect happen.  There is a natural course and progression that life takes.  We make choices and the results of the choices shouldn't really surprise us.  I believe God can save us even when we make choices outside of his will.

His will is that none of us should perish.
His will is that we would have abundant life and live it to the fullest.
His will is that the JOY of the Lord would be our strength.
His will is that we would love Him because He first loved us.

He shows me His love in so many small ways through out the day.
and in the HUGE things like protecting my livelihood.  

I am so thankful that Prayer can and DOES change the Natural Course and progression of life!

I've got my "babies" back.
Stella {my car} is fixed.
she's so much prettier with out a smashed window.
My laptop is being used to type this BLOG and upload and edit images.

Thank you for your prayers.
"why pray?." 
because it changes things!

timing

I know that my timing is not impeccable.
but HIS IS.

I am more aware of EVERYTHING in life right now.
I am watching closely all of my moves.
I am living with purpose and taking in each day as it comes.
I am pursuing the things that I dream about instead of just dreaming.
I am thankful for this new found place in life.

I have known in my head that God's timing is impeccable.
but I haven't necessarily known it with my heart.
or it could possibly be the opposite.

I trust God.
I trust Him that
"His ways are higher than mine"
"the JOY of the Lord is my strength"
"He knows when I sit and when I rise.
He knows the numbers of hairs on my head"
"He has my tears bottled"
"His plans for me are of a hope and a future"

I have wanted things in my life to progress faster than they do.
Healing. Motivation. Questions of "why am I where I am"
but then God proves Himself.
That His timing is perfect.
Though I itch for things to go faster.

When there is something scheduled in my life and it is rescheduled
{it wasn't time for that yet}
I'd rather be in His timing than my own - because I know that His is the best.

Catching up with old friends has been amazing.
Talking with my Life Coach - is what it's supposed to be - life giving.

I have seen now that if I hadn't gone through the places that I've been - physically, spiritually, emotionally I wouldn't be able to give what I can now give and be where I'm supposed to be. 

There's a point where a light bulb goes off ... and you think "this all was worth it - if only for this one thing"  I may not understand everything, but I do know that God's timing is impeccable!

the switch

I have a switch that is rarely on dim.
Typically FULLY on or off.
The switch has been flipped to off.
Once it's flipped off it doesn't get turned on again.
It's a good place to be.

no need for a notebook

"I will write this on the tablet of your heart"

It was an amazing night with Lisa Bevere.  I am inspired and excited.

stop looking too hard

I am about to go out with my sister and KNOW that I had my cute little billfold earlier.
I KNOW that I had it in the kitchen.
But could not find it.
So I searched my house.
Both bathrooms {though I haven't gone in one of them today}
I looked EVERYWHERE.
Even my car.

I KNEW I had had it in the kitchen.

So I decided to sit down and take a break.
I said a little prayer,
"Lord, help me to relax and just find my billfold.  Reveal where it is to me."
I took a deep breath and looked to my left and there it was.
I had past it 5 or 6 times.

I'm seeing through little things to stop looking too hard.
I'm taking time for myself to just breath.

I love the little things that become reminders of big things.

Now... we can go out!

regret

it is OK to regret things that are regrettable. 
regret can bring remorse and change
remorse and change can open huge doors to forgiveness
forgiveness leads a way to freedom

i believe in living a life in pursuit of "no regrets"
but don't think that is fully possible
the only way to do that is to give all i have in all i do
there is only ONE i know of who has done that.
i want to be like him

forgiveness doesn't only come when another is remorseful
it is a choice and can bring freedom no mater what the situation.
forgiveness also does not mean that a person wasn't wronged
it's a choice to not live under the control of unforgiveness

if you say you have no regrets
emotion and responsibility are cut off.
regret and remorse don't bind you or make you a bad person
they set you free and make you REAL.

it is OK to regret things that are regrettable.  
regret can bring remorse and change
remorse and change can open huge doors to forgiveness
forgiveness leads a way to freedom

William P. Young

Grace... whispers of relentless affection... singing us into freedom!

This is what the author of The Shack wrote in our copy of the book.

Krista and I went to the Upper Room on Sunday night. To hear the author of The Shack. It is one of my favorite books.

{wrote this but didn't post it from 2/09}

my life coach

this week will be my 4th week of visiting my life coach. 

I have to say it is one of the best things that I have done for MYSELF {ever}.

There are things that I see in myself but don't KNOW about myself that she is able to open my eyes to and give me tools to change the things that I can and to accept the things that I can't.

We have talked about my personality type and how that affects my daily life. 

my personality type is: "melancholy / perfectionist"
{here are some of the characteristics}

My highs are VERY high and my lows are very low
I give all that I have {150%}
I am an emotional person I feel something and then I think about it
I analyze everything
If I know I can't do something to the full I curl up in a ball and don't do it

I am an "oral communicator"
meaning I need to say just about EVERYTHING
and typically share it with anyone who will listen.

I have ruminating thoughts
which means when there is a thought it goes over and over in my head and gets larger and larger as I think about it - until I'm able to get it out through talking or writing...

These are GOOD things to KNOW about myself.
I see them - but to have someone to bounce myself off of to let me know the things that I could and should work on to have a more productive life and the things that go along with who I was created to be.

I'm never going to stop needing to talk.
it's how I was created and how I communicate.
but I've learned to talk less and listen more ... and to listen first
I definitely don't have this mastered but am working on it.

I'm never going to stop giving my all
but I'm learning it doesn't have to be in everything I do ALL THE TIME.
I need to look for the things I can accomplish and do them
there will be gratification in that and motivation to get more done

I need little "breakations" not a Vacation but a Breakaction.
when I feel I'm about to break and become "immobile"
I should finish 2 or 3 things and then take a break.
do something I love. something active. something with my hands.

I don't have to have everything figured out.
Things don't go how I plan.
I need to trust God in all things.
Not just saying it - but living it.

I need to continually renew my mind.
Asking myself if I know that a thought is TRUE... or is it a LIE.

If it's the truth will I benefit from thinking about it over and over again.
If it's a lie what is the truth to replace it and think on that! 

I am so beyond thankful for my life coach.
Meeting with her couldn't have come at a more perfect time.
It's time to walk through my old insecurities and fears.

Hello Fear

I just saw this posted on FB and had to put it here.  

Maybe you need to hear this.  

 I know I will come back to watch it myself. 

This describes what I've been going through.  

Knowing that fear has NO PLACE in my life.  

I have had a relationship with fear and insecurity for far too long. 

It is time for a new relationship with Grace and Mercy.  

I love how others' words can communicate 

what we're feeling in such an exact way.  

Hope you enjoy this and are encouraged if you need it. 

{Change} ...

no one said change is easy.
but it is necessary.
the process and results are worth it. 

I am going through a {Cleaning House} time in my life.
I probably should have come to this place a lot more than I have. 

A friend told me that things usually come in 3s...

I'm moving
Meaningful relationships are taking new shapes
I am getting control of my money not vice versa

It has not been easy.
There has been sweat, blood and tears
{not really blood - but it's felt as painful as if there were blood}
But I will get to the other side and SEE the changes

I know that it is a process and I don't want any corners cut or past over. 
I am deep cleaning in each area. 
I can feel the change in little pieces and it feels good. 

As I was cleaning my parents' garage last night to prep it for moving my stuff in

I just kept saying to myself "it's worth it... this is ALL worth it"
my Dad joked that I could live there as long as I'd like 
I could even stay until they retire to take care of them ;)
{haha... very sweet - but not the plan!}
I told him, "I'm cleaning house now - so I can have my own." 

So I'm moving forward and embracing the changes in my life.
I'm making the best of them.
Leaving the areas I've been better than I found them.
Because the areas that are changing made Me better than I was.

Thankful for the past. 
Truly living in Today. 
Looking forward for my future.