what 2009 has taught me

January
knowing what you want in life is a good thing
so is being single

February
I have the best sister
traveled to new territory and the land down under together

March
good advice
my heart is on the top shelf the furthest corner back in a closet - it's not mine to give - someone will need to pursue God for access to it

April
the proof of the desire is in the pursuit
we pursue what we want - on any level - what am I pursuing

May
a legacy well lived
excited to give 150%

June
missing the loves of my life... {my friends' kids & my God Kids}
saying goodbye for a while is tough - but was an adventure

July
Not afraid anymore!
faced fear head on: bridges, bats, being alone, etc. I climbed the Sydney Harbour Bridge!

August
I am changed. so good to have my bro home for a bit
once you experience an adventure of faith you'll never go back

September
I don't fit into many boxes
missing my future husband and kids and the box I'll someday fit into. While enjoying being single.

October
my Favorite month.
feel like I'm being prepped for something

November
so Thankful.
amazing family {blood & extended}

December
catching a glimpse of "my worth"
enjoying {HEALTH} and New Beginnings!

{something beautiful} MERRY CHRISTMAS

I love this time of the year.

It truly is the most wonderful time of the year.

Snow on the trees.
Smiles on beautiful faces.
Ugly Christmas Sweater parties.
Volunteering time.
The JOY in our hearts.
Dad's singing at Christmas Eve service.
Mom trying to stay awake.
Giggles exchanged between siblings {minus one this year}
Being together in spirit no matter how far the distance.
Sweet glances from across the room.
So much laughter and good times around the Peanuts table.
The Eule Log! {spelling}
Waking up late on Christmas morning.
Comfort of tradition and Love.

The most beautiful thing that I have known THIS Christmas is: How much my savior loves ME.

That has been so personally beautiful this year.
The way that He has touched my life. Changed my life. How He has made me whole. To know that He came. He lived. He died for me. He knew me... before creation. He did it all for ME.

I'm so thankful that we can ALL say that. We can all KNOW that. The PERSONAL love of Jesus Christ. We don't just celebrate a baby born. We don't just give presents in His honor. But this year I was whispered a beautiful LOVE STORY... My heart is moved when I think of my savior and the BEAUTY of Christmas. I pray that your Christmas is filled with the beautiful things in your life!

Merry Christmas!

the LOGICAL choice

making it is not a very easy thing for me...

My heart kinda broke tonight as I clicked "Alternative Award" instead of an All Inclusive trip to Cancun {FREE through lia sophia} I earned a trip for ONE - but didn't really want to go by myself and the LOGICAL thing to do is to take the money and put it towards my debt.

I made the choice so quickly that I couldn't back out and change my mind.

That's what I have to do when thinking logically - just can't think about it for too long - because then my emotions get involved.

character

how you are {who you are} when you have nothing to gain.

Friendship with Attraction sprinkled on top

it's been a while since I've had a healthy relationship... here are my thoughts on what it should look like.

Friendship with Attraction sprinkled on top is a good {great} place to start.


Friendship.
People have always said that relationships are so much better when they start knowing a person as a friend. How sweet... to be blessed with that! To look at that person and want the best for them. Get to know them for who they are - not who you want them to be - or because you see an {end result with them}. To have a true friend you trust of the opposite sex that you enjoy just being with! It's been awesome building a friendship!


Boundaries.
Where you want to go and don't want to go. There's not really time to mess around! I've been there and done that and don't want to go back to where I've been that wasn't healthy. I know what I want and what I don't want! I know what's good for me and what is not good for me! So the standard is set HIGH! That way if it turns out that it is just a friendship - there will be no regrets.


the Future.
Walking. {Not getting the cart before the horse... BUT when the horse is moving - strolling along with it!} Not putting your "Best Foot forward" but just taking steps and if the place you're walking leads in the same direction... AMAZING. If it doesn't - it was a good walk! When it IS the same direction... Partnering together. Influencing lives for the better! Being God's Love. Drawing out the best. Making the world more colorful no matter where that is.

Individually content and connected. Together better.
Both be WHOLE individuals to make a team. Living/Loving life with the people around us. We have each others back. AND our fronts. {giving what is needed before it's asked for or communicated - knowing the person well enough to put his needs in front of mine. Knowing that he'll do the same} Out give. Out love. Out pursue. To BOTH give 150%

Comfort in Silence. Being {dorky} = real
Knowing that things aren't always going to be on cloud nine. Daily there will be challenges and disappointments. Knowing you can just sit IN IT with each other and BE. Nothing needs to be said or done - you're just there. You can be FULLY yourself. Whatever you look like. You're into each other just the way you are. Knowing you'll grow and change - individually and together. Making effort to grow together. Making time for each other.

Having a healthy relationship is a choice.
No matter what stage you're in. Whether it's the beginning or you're 5 years into it. You'll choose where you go. If you're not where you want to be - you're the only one that can make a difference. You choose daily if you're going to give or take. love or hate. bring life or death. build up or tear down. bring laughter or mourning. You choose daily where YOUR life and relationship is going.

I've been learning that truly having a healthy relationship with someone else - means having a healthy relationship with ourselves first!

It's WORTH IT to choose a healthy relationship.
{even though the analogy isn't really healthy}

It's amazing to have a friendship with attraction sprinkled all over it.

{REMEMBER}

we remember your smile.
we remember your love.
we remember your raspy voice.
we remember your laughter.
we remember your passion.
we remember your concern for life.
we remember your prayers.
we remember your contagious attitude.
we remember the quiet times.
we remember your support.
we remember your cooking.
we remember your gifts.
we remember your resourcefulness.
we remember your spirit.
we remember your past and who it made you.
we remember the good.
we remember the bad.

we remember the truth.

We carry who you are with us daily. Thank you for loving deeply and passionately.

we remember the last entry in your prayer journal - and WILL BE a part of it:

Genesis 50:20 (NIV)

²⁰ You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

"I'm going to change the world, by loving on people." - Tiff

We love you Tiff. we will always {REMEMBER}

Favorite Things This Season

Real or Fake Tree: Fake - with a evergreen smelling candle

Hardest Person to buy for: someone who has everything and {needs nothing}

Mail or Email Christmas Cards: MAIL - last year was the first year I've done my own! I'm excited for this years

Favorite Christmas Movie or Show: White Christmas... mmmm love it!

Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate: Hot Chocolate - especially after putting up Christmas lights :D

When do you start shopping for Christmas: THINKING about Christmas presents - October/November... shopping for them - Christmas Eve

Clear Christmas light or colored: White - I LOVE white lights! They are so elegant and welcoming

Favorite Hymn: OH HOLY NIGHT - {He appeared and the Soul Felt It's Worth}


Most vivid memory of Christmas: SO MANY awesome memories - every year - going to Christmas Eve service with my family - coming home for dinner - wrapping presents - putting them under the tree - having communion with fam - talk about the year - opening presents - youngest to oldest - play {Peanuts} going to bed in the wee hours of the morning - sleeping in Christmas morn - hanging with fam - oooh and watching the {Yule Log}

Best Holiday Treat: Crushed up Candy Canes mixed with Almond Bark and cooled... SO GOOD! AND Pepermint Pie - the only kind of pie I like.

Favorite CD or Artists: Mariah Carey is a classic - have to pull it out every year

Must Haves: Family. Thankfulness. Time together.

Star or Angel on the top of the tree: Star - so pretty.

Quirk that most people wouldn't know: I LOVE wrapping presents! It's so relaxing to me - I don't write names on the presents - so people can't shake them and try and figure out what they are - I just remember who's is who's because of how they're wrapped.

What's on your wish list this year: Seeing my Brother. I've got more than I need - I just want to give back.

Tis the Season to love and give! Hope you have a Blessed and Merry Christmas and Amazing New Year!

... you know it was a good time when ...

you wake up smiling and can't seem to wipe it off your face

{Sisters}

sisters. there were never such devoted sisters.

I have always loved my sister more than I can say {and my brother}

as I get older I'm seeing the value of {SISTERHOOD} more and more just about everyday! There is something that we're able to offer each other that no one else can!

I am the BIG SIS in our family. I love it. I've always wanted a BIG SIS in my life. I've had older friends come and go that I've looked up to. They come. and then They go. The last year and a half has been an amazing time for me - getting to have an older sister. Someone who is a bit further along the road than I am. Has a bit more experience. Someone who calls me out and holds me accountable to the things that I say I want to do.

It has been an awesome addition to my life. Getting to be the little sis.

I am blessed by all the women in my life. Both blood related and family through life!

will you sit with me

{IN MY MESS}

when something {fun} is going on it's easy to join each other.

But what about in the mess of life? What about in hurt. pain. sorrow. What about in depression. exhaustion. sickness. What about in the times when I don't have anything to give back? In the times when I'm so worn out I can't communicate it? It's just seen by the reality in life. My room is a mess, laundry is not done, dishes piled up.


I'm writing this about myself - yes - but also for all of us. To be ABLE to ask our loved ones "Will you sit with me in my mess?" When life is not perfect. When I don't want to smile. When I'm having a rough time. Will you BE HERE with me physically?

I've realized that I do just about everything better with someone by my side. In the room. We don't even have to be talking or doing anything ... just in the same space. SO this means that I tend to neglect the things that I NEED to do for myself - to take care of myself - because I'd rather be with people.

I was blown away talking to my bro... at his willingness to join me in my mess.... he suggested {because we're states away from each other} to both be on SKYPE and just have it on... we wouldn't even have to talk - we can when we want to - but it'll be our equivalent to being in the same room. Just hanging out. Being there. Sitting in each others' mess!

I thought, "Suzy - just be a grown up and deal with stuff on your own. BUCK UP" but then I thought, "WHY?" We were designed to need community. We grow so much through letting people see the vulnerable and the mess. Why put on a mask of perfection. When life is not perfect? It's not meant to be perfect!

So... I'm getting through my mess - if you'd like to join me in it. You're more than welcome... OR invite people to sit with you in your mess.

TAKEN

My sister and I had no clue what we were getting into when we rented this movie a few months back. This movie rocked my world! I saw it on sale this week and HAD to own it... to remind me of a few things.

The biggest thing that struck me from watching this movie {it literally STRUCK me like someone hitting me over the head with a 2x4} is God's love for us and His pursuit of our hearts, our lives.

I've known His pursuit so many times through out life. He'll stop at nothing until I'm safe in His love and protection. He will take down anything out to harm me. He thinks of me as his little girl. He loves me!

Watching this movie and hearing about the Human Sex Trafficking - going on RIGHT NOW has changed me. It moves me. I'm so pissed off ... a righteous anger. One that NEEDS to move me to action! As I write - my heart is beating out of my chest with such an ache... for what is going on right now. Human Trafficking is at the largest numbers NOW in all of history. Most people just don't know about it - or forget about it - or feel like we can't do much.

Knowledge is the START to any change!

Here are 2 sites that I've visited if you'd like to know more about Human Trafficking:

www.thea21campaign.org
www.ijm.org

OH - and rent - or buy {TAKEN} I hope it rocks your world like it did mine!

We CAN make a difference - we have to start somewhere! Stand up for injustice - whatever that looks like in YOUR world!

people watching {endearing love}

I was sitting in Barnes and Noble today editing Sr. Pictures and saw something so beautiful. Something small. But so heart warming.

An elderly couple sat with their daughter having lunch, sipping coffee, enjoying each others' company. As they were getting ready to leave the husband/father cleared the table for {his girls} and then asked {his girls} if they wanted him to take their 2 shopping bags out the car.

Something so little. But so meaningful. The 2 bags put together were literally smaller than my purse!! It was endearing to see his concern for them. He just wanted to make sure they were taken care of.

I need to edit more at Barnes and Noble. Free internet and GREAT people watching. I'm still smiling from it.

forgotten how good

First Knight is.

I need to remember to change my "Favorite Movie". I always say, "Runaway Bride" is my favorite because she needs to "figure out how SHE likes her eggs...". But RB has nothing on First Knight. It's such a perfectly romantic movie and is now {officially} or maybe always has been "my favorite movie"

Thought it deserved a blog.

Here are a few of my favorite quotes:

Guinevere: I'm not to be had for the wanting.

---

King Arthur: God uses people like you, Lancelot. Because your heart is open. You hold nothing back. You give all of yourself.
Lancelot: If you knew me better, you would not say such things.
King Arthur: Oh, hey, I take the good with the bad, together. I can't love people in slices.

---

King Arthur: For the first in my life, I wanted what all wise man say can't last; what can't be promised or made to linger any more than sunlight. I don't want to die without having felt its warmth on my face.

---

King Arthur: Lancelot, just a thought. A man who fears nothing is a man who loves nothing; and if you love nothing, what joy is there in your life? I may be wrong.

---

Lancelot: I dare not kiss so lovely a lady. I have but one heart to lose.

---

Guinevere: If there is any honor in you, promise me never to do that again.
Lancelot: I don't know about honor. But I promise you, I won't kiss you again till you ask me to.

---

King Arthur: You risked your life for another. There is no greater love.

---

Malagant: Self-sacrifice is very easy. It's having to sacrifice someone you love that puts your convictions to the test.

---

King Arthur: Only a fool wants what he can not have.

---

King Arthur: There are laws that enslave men, and laws that set them free.

---

King Arthur: May God grant us the wisdom to discover right, the will to choose it, and the strength to make it endure.

---

King Arthur: This is the heart of Camelot, not these stones, not these timbers, these palaces and towers. Burn them all and Camelot lives on, because it lives in us. Camelot is a belief that we hold in our hearts.

---

King Arthur: What we hold to be right, and good, and true IS right and good and true for all men. Otherwise we're just another robber tribe.

---

Guinevere: I want to marry you. Not your crown, not your army. Just you.

---

King Arthur: There's a peace only to be found on the other side of war. If that war should come I will fight it!

---

Guinevere: Love has many faces. I may look on you differently, but not with less love.

---

Guinevere: I only know one way to love my lord, and that is body and mind and soul.

when it rains.

IT POURS.

it's been a while since I've blogged.

I'm thankful for being busy. But this last weekend was rediculous. Seems like in every area of life there were things NEEDING my attention. I got 10 hours of sleep in 4 days.


I just want to hibernate for a bit.

direction

When you think you can. YOU WILL.
When you think you can't. YOU WON'T.
because
You'll never stop going in the direction of your thoughts.

{just a thought}

{call me old fashioned}

the DATING GAME has changed.

{I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies} - quote from He's Just Not That Into You.


we have the world at our fingertips. SO MANY ways to communicate - but in that, have we lost {TRUE} communication?

Interpersonal. Face to Face.

OR where there isn't the interpersonal communication or desire for it - does that just mean that He or She is JustNotThatIntoYou?

SO.. if you're into someone:

a text does not = a conversation.
an email or FB message does not = quality time.
FB stalking does not mean that you know someone.

these things are all nice. but shouldn't replace honest forms of getting to know people.

I've had so many conversations with my girlfriends about how much the dating game has changed. My married friends just giggle at the conversation and say, "I'm SO GLAD I don't have to deal with that" {HAHA thank you so much!} and my single gf's role their eyes because we're going through the same thing... frustrating.

If you've read the book or have seen the movie {He's Just Not That Into You} it's a great book to read both Male/Female if you're single. Girls it's an honest look at if a guy isn't into you - he'll do certain things - so don't waste your time - unless you choose to. Guys - it's an honest look at what you're doing and what you mean by what you do - so girls know not to waste their time on you.

When a guy is into a girl - he WILL pursue her. There is nothing that will hold him back from pursuing her. So many guys have said this. I agree! I've seen it. I've known it.


With the {game changing} does that mean that the pursuit changes?

no. No. BIG FAT. NO. It takes a lot to put yourself out there - but when you're into someone you just do it.

Call us old fashioned but the proof of the desire is in the pursuit. The things we really want in life we go after and we make happen.

So

IF you're into someone.

A text. Emailing. FB messaging. IMing.
all Great.

but do not = pursuit.

*If that's the only form of communication you have because of extenuating circumstances... that changes the game too*

knows me well

I get joy out of little things.
little details.
knowing that someone THOUGHT of me.

I don't LOVE {gifts}.
I love the thought put into a gift.

This year I got some of the most amazing gifts.

{sacrificed precious sleep} given to make me breakfast.
an {amazing meal} "Ufda Tacos" still dreaming of them
{time spent} with the people that I'm the closest to
{surprise lunch} in UpTown
messages {through out my birthday week}
songs sung on my {VoiceMail} etc.

AND... {a decorative box}

a box filled with the things that I love. or NEED.

A piggy bank.
Mittens.
Picture Frame.

The Box alone was so thoughtful.

These things may not seem like a big deal.
what each thing means to me is a big deal.
the fact that the giver KNOWS ME WELL.
That Means The Most!

Thank you for knowing me well!

i love

Perfectly Awkward Moments.

the ones where you think... "did that REALLY just happen?" or "did anyone else just see what I saw?" in those moments I wish that my eyes were little video cameras to replay the moments for the people around me. Because I know that I'll never be able to describe how amazingly awkward they were. I will probably use too many words and be the only one laughing. But they are too good to not TRY to share.

Like this woman.

I was in the ladies room - in a stall minding my own business (as you do in the stalls of a ladies room). She came in talking on her cell phone... (I've NEVER understood this and always have the urge to flush a few times just for fun - you can't really pretend you're somewhere else then)... she was speaking a foreign language and all of the sudden in CLEAR and eager English said, "blah blah blah... 'HOLY HANNAH' blah blah blah" I almost burst into laughter when I heard it. Where did she get "Holy Hannah" and how funny that those were her only English words of choice!

I've encountered so many moments like this recently. Little things. Details of the day that just make me giggle. I hope you get as much joy out of moments like this as I do!

Dear Bambi,

When you see my headlights... PLEASE MOVE. The {deer in headlights} look is not so cute on you. You were so close. 2 steps away from safety. Better luck next time.

Sincerely,
Stella. (my broken car)


I took Bambi out on Thursday night. Didn't mean to... but he was in the way. I had looked down at the clock - to see what time it was. Looked up and there he was.

My car spun on the highway one full time and then a half a spin in the ditch so I was facing the oncoming traffic.

life lessons from Bambi.

• When something destructive is coming your way: MOVE!!
• Sometimes we have to go deeper into a ditch to get out of it
• A smile goes a long way when you're stuck
• When your coffee spills all over our coat - enjoy the smell
• Having FB on your phone is a good thing for emergencies
• Life is short.
  
• Invest in people.
  
• Love as much as you can.
  

Thank you Bambi for the lessons learned. {reminders}

building a culture of

encouragement:
Listens
Inspires
Gathers
Gives
Strengthens
Bounces
is Active

Discouragement unsettles. Destabilizes.

Jeremiah 29:
¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

This was written to people whose world had been turned upside down. It was encouragement.

Look at what God says to us - even when we're in a season of discouragement/doubt.

Jeremiah 29:
⁵ "Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. ⁶ Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. ⁷ Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper."

I CARRIED you here. Pray that where you're at prospers. You too will prosper.

1. Build and settle
2. Make a living
3. Increase don't decrease. Go forward
4. Stay committed

when we do these things we'll get the BEST out of wherever we're at.

Human nature. When we're discouraged we tend to listen to voices that will discourage us more. Misery loves Company. God's plan is to SETTLE you.

The encouragement we give will determine what we'll receive.

brian houston - head pastor of Hillsong Church AU

I was babysitting one night and was "brought home" by watching this message. Just wanted to share it.

Isaiah 61:11

For as the soil makes the sprout come up
and a garden causes seeds to grow...

I read this over and over this morning. made me think about life. the people in my life. friends family. my "soil". the foundations in my life.

I love the picture this paints.

our SOIL makes the sprout come up.
the GARDEN causes the seed to grow.

Who we surround ourselves with brings growth.
love it.

little things

I love days like today. where i NOTICE answered prayer. when it looked like I may lose A LOT... I decided I would trust that what was "meant" to happen, would. what good does worrying do? (especially when it is usually my default)

earlier this month A LOT was at stake. I felt specifically that I could, "Trust God and He would Provide" that I needed to "Not Worry - and just put myself out there" SO SPECIFICALLY...

I needed to sell ~$3,000 personally with lia sophia to keep management status.

I had 5 parties scheduled. so I felt pretty good and confident - it wouldn't be a problem.

Then 2 parties rescheduled (the 2 that I EXPECTED to have large sales)...

My 3 shows that I DID have - turned out to be AMAZING shows. So much fun!!

One hostess decided to start selling and the other shows were more than $1,000 in sales each.

It was the week before "month end", I thought about putting my own money into it - so that I wouldn't lose my status... but I had PROMISED myself that I wouldn't no matter what... I had a whisper of a thought, "Just Trust Me and put yourself out there" So I emailed a few past customers who expressed interest in purchasing this month...

The morning of our "fiscal month end" I got an email of orders - that put me $68 over what I needed to sell!

This month was a great reminder to me to know that I'm taken care of. No matter what my situation. What my need. How large or small. Also - that I have to put myself out there.

I love the little things. and days like today!

music.

I wonder if everyone is moved as deeply as I am by music.

a friend of mine and I were driving down the road the other day - listening to the same station. We both got out of the car and were pretty much wiping the tears from our eyes. We both are pretty emotional and easily moved. many times I'm not "thankful" for this trait - it can get old... but today I loved it. I heard a song and was moved to tears. My world was paused because of the words sung. The instruments played. The arrangements made.

Music has a power that is beautiful.

I'm not a song writer - but at times wish I was. I'm not a musician either - but if I could play I don't know if I would want to do anything else.

I'm enamored with people who can put life to music. People who are able to feel deep enough to capture it and communicate it to the masses. Man it's good.

I LOVE the month of October...

Season changing.
Leaves crunching.
Crisp smell.
Amazing friends.
Football season.
Comfy Sweaters.
Apple cider.
Ugg boots.
Many layers.
Warm mittens.
Bon fires.
Chai Latte.
Fall colors.
Butt warmers.
Space heaters.
Tanning booth.
Long naps.
New business.
Photo shoots.
PF Changs.
Overwhelming grace.
Known love.

MY BIRTHDAY.
28
really...? man I'm getting old.

missing you.

Proverbs 13:12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

Psalm 62:5
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.


There are days when all I see are wedding bands and look at my finger naked.
There are days when I see parents holding their new born babies and look at my arms, empty.


There are days when I'm reminded of the hope deferred that I've known.
I've HAD and LOST. Better to have loved and lost then never loved at all right? Right. There are days when that doesn't feel so good. Doesn't help.

When I find rest in God my hope comes from him!

I don't mean this to be a {downer blog}. BUT I do mean to say that having hard days when you're not where you {want} to be or where you {expected} you would be is ok. It's good. Good to feel what we feel when we're feeling it. If we don't it will just remain and get stronger.

I have been {missing you} lately. A place that I would love to be - but am not there. I'm ok not being there - but just miss you sometimes.

{dedicated to A&LP}
Our Hope Endures - Natalie Grant

You would think only so much can go wrong
Calamity only strikes once
And you assume this one has suffered her share
Life will be kinder from here
Oh, but sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear?

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged

How do we comprehend peace within pain?
Or joy at a good man's wake?
Walk a mile with the woman whose body is racked
With illness, oh how can she laugh?
Oh, 'cause sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear?

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged

Emmanuel, God is with us
El Shaddai, all sufficient
We never walk alone
And this is our hope

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged

I just heard this song and it made me smile.

so I thought I'd share.

Uncle Kracker — Smile lyrics

You're better then the best
I'm lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler then the flip side of my pillow, that's right
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where you send me,
Lets me know that it's ok, yeah it's ok
And the moments where my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile

Even when you're gone
Somehow you come along
Just like a flower poking the sidewalk crack and just like that
You steal away the rain and just like that

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile

Don't know how I lived without you
Cuz every time that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile

up there with the best of them

tonight will go in the record books for me. as one of the best lia sophia parties. It was a themed party and everyone got into it! I loved having my mom and sister there. I've known most of the people there for years and years - but it was fun to hang out, relax, catch up and actually get to know each other a bit more. Nothing "spectacular" just so comfortable and fun, like family! It was a girls night that I needed! :O)

the "box" I don't fit into

MOMs Group.
I'm not a mom. I'm single. and NOT close to marriage or having kids.

A dear friend of mine asked me to join the "MOMs Group" at her church.

She said, "we don't really talk about 'Mom stuff' or marriage too often... mostly just girl stuff. So ANYONE can come."

I told my DF that as long as I didn't have a closing scheduled I'd be there (weekly)!
I LOVE getting together with "the girls" whoever - wherever - whenever.

I've gone 3 times now. And my friend was completely WRONG... ;O)

My first time going was last year - where the topic was "Emotional Affairs" - totally for married people. Now this year the topic is definitely about PARENTING... every week.

I know my DF wasn't lying to me when she invited me... I just take what they talk about and apply it to where I'm at in life.

Going to "MOMs Group" has shown me though how much we as a culture, or maybe women like things to fit, into our perfectly painted boxes.

It was interesting to see/hear people's reaction when they found out I don't have kids.

1st week:
"Suzy... what are YOU doing here? You're not a MOM..."
2nd week:
trying to be tactful
"So I'm kind of confused... you're not a MOM, so why would you WANT to come to a MOMs Group?"
2nd person 2nd week:
"So what ages are your kids? ... Oh. ... So you're engaged? Close to marriage? ... Have a boyfriend? ... Oh. ... Well it's good to have you here!" :O)

I'm not saying ANY of this to complain about MOMs Group. at all. Actually just the opposite. I love it.

Being on the other side of "a group" has made me realize how important what we say, how we say it - and how we accept people is. It can completely turn someone off or on and we may not even know it. I think we need to be more aware of the boxes we create. If someone or something doesn't "fit" how do we handle it? How do I handle it?

SO... someday I'll be a mom. And people won't ask why I'm at a MOMs Group. But until then I'll continue to enjoy where I'm at - outside the box.

"I've got my Mother's laugh..."

I remember when I heard my mom say that for the first time.

Now I find myself thinking it ALL THE TIME...

insert foot in mouth

a funny story.

was out with the sibs tonight. a guy that my sister had a crush on way back when saw her and came over to chat.

he said
"remember when we were boyfriend and girlfriend in elementary school"

... then said
"i haven't seen you at many games lately... weren't you good friends with _________'s ex-girlfriend?"

she and i looked at each other and giggled a little bit - wondering if he knew that he was asking about ME... i was sitting right there.

he mentioned it again. so i sheepishly raised my hand. kris and i looked at each other - he looked at me questioning...

K was like
"#1 yah - i'm really good friends with her #2 she's my sister... she's right here"

the moment was priceless! totally made our night. we all had a good laugh. he tried to recover.

"you don't look the same though..."

and apologized. (a few times) ... there was no need to apologize.

no hard feelings. no awkwardness there. it gave us an awesome laugh and ________ is a really great guy - just not for me.

good times with the sibs! love making memories and spending time together! joel moves back to portland on tuesday so we've gotta get as much time together as possible. i'm gonna miss the crap out of him. but it's good. i'm excited for him. with everything that is new and falling into place. this is gonna be a GOOD year!

love you guys!

Girlfriends' Night @ SCC

Tonight was an awesome night at church with the girls of Southbridge. There is something about when women come together that is so beautiful.

The bond between girlfriends is unknown by any other relationship!

Most "besties" can know how you're doing at hello.
With our EYES we can tell stories (that we don't want anyone else to know.)
We have full conversations only using a few key words and "get it" when no one else around us knows what the heck we're talking about.
(though most of the time we choose to use many more words than necessary)!

Our hearts go out to each other because we're traveling the same road.
(some are just a bit further along)

We know insecurity. We know laughter. We know the struggle for acceptance and love. We know freedom. We know the longing for meaningful relationships. We know heartbreak. We know joy. We know support. We know what it's like to wake up in the morning and HATE THE WORLD for no other reason than our monthly friend came to visit. We know what it's like to want to feel beautiful.

Women are amazing. Even more so when we come together. For each other. We are built up strengthened by relationships with each other. We are a lifeline. I don't know where I would be with out my girlfriends!!

It is exhilarating to be a part of God's love being lived out in each others' lives.

Thank you for everyone who put our Girlfriends' Night together! Tonight was beautiful. I can't wait for our future times together. and to be involved. The best is yet to come!

Here is a song we sang tonight. I LOVE the words. The song describes something that I've felt - but would never have been able to have described. It's about HIS LOVE for us! The first time I heard it in church all I could do was read the words. It is SO GOOD.

He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and
how great your affections are for me.

Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

Yeah, He loves us
Whoa, how He loves us
Whoa, how He loves us
Whoa, how He loves.

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and
my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

He loves us,
whoa, how He loves us
whoa, how He loves us
Whoa, how He loves

Yeah, He loves us
Whoa, how He loves us
Whoa, how He loves us
Whoa, how He loves.

Yeah, He loves us
He loves us
He loves us
He loves.

HIS LOVE covers everything! Thinking about His love - I won't live in regret. He loves me. I'm unaware of the afflictions around me... because of His grace. What an awesome place to live. He loves me. Thinking of the greatest love I've ever know... His affections for me are MORE! He loves me. I'm DRAWN to redemption by His grace.

The pictures the words of this song paint are of a love so dramatic and overwhelming. I can't know how long, wide or deep His love is for me. But this song gives me a taste.

washing my feet.

I got home today from a long day of photography.

I was wearing my sister's black "Mary Jane" Crocs. They are the most comfortable, quietest shoes for moving around while I'm shooting. They have a strap around the ankle with an open back. Somehow my feet tend to get HORRIBLY dirty when I wear them...? (the wedding was outside... and there was a lot of dirt - so I guess it makes sense)

The second I got home I tore the shoes off and threw the them in my closet. I was READY for bed (long day)... but my feet were too filthy to put them in my newly washed sheets. I immediately thought - I wish I had someone to wash my feet. I'm too tired right now.

Then I thought about friends of mine who just got married. The groom surprised his bride by washing her feet during the ceremony.

What a beautiful way to start a marriage. Instead of just saying vows - and doing the traditions that we go through. He washed her feet - SHOWING her that he loves her, wants the best for her, will put her first, he will take care of her, he will serve her.

I want to be like that. I want to wash people's feet.

I thought that it might be a bit funny if I carried around soap, a bucket and some wash cloths... so I nixed that idea. BUT I can be a servant in my attitude. My demeanor. My love.

How can I "wash someone's feet today"? How can I serve today?

Reality.

"if we don't REALLY see where we're at... How can we get to where we want to be?"

This thought has been haunting me lately. In a good way. I've wondered How many people I know are doing SOMETHING that they're passionate about? Not even necessarily as a career - but just in life.

I have friends who want to be writers - are they writing now. I have friends who are musicians and would love to have an album - are they recording now. I have friends who want to travel the world - are they taking care of their stuff at home right now. I have friends who want to continue their education - are they applying to schools right now. I have friends who want to start their own business - are they researching and developing right now. I have friends who want to be stay at home moms and wives - are they married now... (haha)

really.

The things that we do in our everyday life determine what our future will be. We can't choose the same thing EVERYDAY and expect to get a different result than where we're at RIGHT NOW.

It's interesting how many people I've talked to lately... who are not really LIVING in reality. Caught between what we want and what life actually is. (whether this is caused through personal choices or choices made by other people that effect us). We can't choose what happens to in life... but we CAN choose what direction we go.

I'd love to encourage people to truly SEE the areas in life that are not how you want them to be - and PURSUE what you want. Pursue your dreams. The "things" that are in you (only YOU) to do.

The things that you want for your future. are you investing in and pursuing NOW?

a small request.

when I die. please don't say of me. "she was so young and had so much potential."

this phrase breaks my heart each time I hear it. Because it implies that potential has died.

It hasn't died - it just now lives on in you.

please talk of who I am. who I was. that I lived to love and to give. to bring out the inner beauty in the things that surround me.

**************************************************************************

this thought has haunted me for weeks - no months now. I haven't known how to communicate it. Because death is such a delicate subject. I want to write about it... cause I won't be able to then.

When we lose someone - it is hard not to think of all of the things that they didn't GET to do. But I feel that it takes away from what they got to do and who they were.

I haven't fulfilled some lifelong dreams. but. If I go before those are fulfilled... my life was (is) full.

It is our responsibility while we are still here... to know what we're here for.
To know what we're passionate about. and to give all we are.

Then when we are gone - the people who loved us and were a part of us will pick up the pieces and give where they can. That's the beautiful thing about community and life. We give something specific to each person around us. What we give will be carried on.

Our passion won't die when we do.

I feel a responsibility to the people who are close to me who have died to love life like they did. Because I CAN. I'm here.

When I die. It will be the beginning of the best life I've ever known.

I don't WANT to die young. but if I do - please grant me this small request. to remember the life I lived. not the potential lost.

love.S

lemonade

I was driving to a friend's house today and HAD to pull over at a little lemonade stand. A beautiful little girl and her mom sat on the corner waiving as I pulled into the neighborhood.  How could I pass by?

When I got to my friends house I saw that we all had lemonade in little red cups.

  

a familiar conversation

I love relationships.

With out them - we have nothing.

But we shouldn't stay in them (romantic relationships) to have "something".

I've had a familiar conversation with multiple friends lately. 

Many of my unmarried friends are at the point where they've been dating someone for 2+ years... and are wondering if they should take the "next step".  They've gotten to the point that they've been together for too long to "just" be dating... but may not be "ready" for marriage. 

I've had too many of these conversations with the same thoughts and advice to not write about it. I heard a statistic that 1 out of 3 engagements are broken.  And 40-50% of marriages end in divorce (in the US). 

These statistics are incredible - and can be lowered.  By being honest with ourselves in what we want and need.  And by seeing perspective life mates for WHO they are - not who we want them to be.   

I don't know much about relationships but I love learning and growing in them... So here are a few questions that I've learned to ask.  

1. If nothing changed in your relationship TODAY for the rest of your life, would you be satisfied?

2. Are you on the same page with your morals and values?

3. Does your significant other bring out the best in you? How do they handle the worst in you?

4. Do they encourage you to pursue your desires?

5. How do you each handle money?

6. Do you want to RAISE children with them? (not just to have kids... but raise them together)

7. Do they make effort for relationships with your friends and family? Do your friends and family like them?

8. Do they love themselves enough to know who they are and what they want out of life?

9. Do you HAVE FUN with them? Do you laugh... A LOT?

10. Are you a priority in their life? Do they communicate and show you?

It's not worth it to settle for someone that may be "good" but isn't the best. 

Life is too short when you're with the right person...

Life is too long when you're with the wrong person.

Breakups Suck!!  (understatement... I HATE them.  I cried when Nick and Jessica broke up and I don't even know them) but the heartache for a period of time is worth the Love of a Lifetime.

I believe we each have an innate desire for "eternal" relationships. That's why breaking up with someone hurts so much.  We want it to last!  We have a longing in our hearts in our BEING to belong to someone. 

To Be:

Loved Deeply.

Cared for Completely.

Supported Unwaveringly.

Listened to intently.

To Have:

Conflict with resolution.

Communication that brings the Best.

Partnership no matter the situation.

Unspeakable Joy.

Unmatched Intimacy.

All this to say... I don't know what any of my friends should do - except to be honest.  See yourself for who you are.  See your SO for who they are.  

Don't settle for less than the best... if the person you're with is it.  AMAZING!  If they're not - it's worth it to hold out for the person who is.

with Love.S

A year ago today.

I haven't had too many IMMEDIATE answers to prayers. But living with the Colvins is one of them.

It was a year ago today that I moved in with a family that has blessed me more than words can say. Waking up to the pitter patter of Marley's little feet in the kitchen. The amount of joy and laughter she brings - just by being herself. Being greeted at the door by 2 (almost) 100 lb dogs and having a "big sister" and another "big brother" figure in my life to be able to talk to about anything and everything has been amazing!

They are a very strong family. Their love for each other is evident in what they do and how they give. They have had someone "in need" live with them for their whole married life! I want to be like that!

I love that we draw the best out in each other also!

It doesn't seem like it's been a year. It feels like I've always lived here... Like they've always been a part of the family - and I've always been a part of theirs.

It's been an amazing year! I'm so thankful they'll be in my life for the rest of it. And only pray that I can somehow bless them like they've blessed me!

Love you Colvins!

the things I'm not confident in

I find it easy to volunteer things that I know I can do...  things I know I'm "good at".  

But what about the things that I don't want to do?  Or the things that I'm not confident in? What does it say about me if I don't volunteer those too?  

I'm challenged to offer areas of myself I'm not confident in, areas I don't know I'll succeed in.  I'm excited to invest because there's a need.  Not because it's something I like to do.

It's a good place to stand.  A place I'm not confident in.

... a picture is worth how many words ...

I've wondered lately about the passion for photography... what is it about pictures... and taking them that sparks LIFE?

we get to be a part of

Moments of Beauty.
Moments that take one's breath away.
Moments that remind of deep love and passion.
Moments that bring tears.
Moments that bring joy.
Moments that capture growth.
Moments that will never be had exactly that way again.
Moments to remember.

There is something so fulfilling in the interpretation of a moment. capturing it. then giving it to someone to enjoy for as long as it is around - for generations.

Photography is capturing history. A personal history. Whether it's engagement shots. weddings. pregnancy. new life. families. sr. pictures. etc.

I'm thankful whenever we're asked to be a part of someone's history.

(Photo Blog coming soon.)

My Blog

so... if you're reading this - you should push the "follow" button at the bottom of the page.

honest - I'm feeling a bit insecure that I only have 4 "followers" as of today So if you like what I write - you should "follow me" (weird to write "follow me") but seriously. Hope you enjoy!

to sacrifice for what you love is essential.

to settle is not an option.

a thought similar to this came from a friend who is engaged and looking to buy their first home. the search had felt endless. looking at house after house. people said that she was being too picky...


can you be too picky when you are looking for something that you love? she was not looking for or asking for perfection.

she would sacrifice certain things - but she would not settle for something when she knew that there were more houses out there. they didn't have to decide today. they could wait (should wait) for the house that was "right" for them.

...

the day we had this conversation they found a house they fell in love with. it has all the things that they NEED - and most of the things they wanted. she could sacrifice wants for needs.

the analogy of her story is as big or as small as you'd like.

too often in life we settle. maybe i should just speak for myself. too often in life i settle. for whatever the reason.

the thing is: SACRIFICE is essential when you love something/someone. it's a part of life. a part of love. you HAVE to give. you GET to give.

are we too afraid of sacrifice? are we too afraid of giving up our own rights, that we choose to not put another person or thing in front of ourselves? am i too afraid of sacrifice - to pursue a dream?

the price of sacrifice today is worth the promise in tomorrow. the cost of settling today will never be worth the heartache of tomorrow.

can i make you smile today?

just a thought.

Change

Can't be known until you're faced with a situation where you would act a certain way... and then you don't.

You're not the same.

True changed has occurred.
It's pretty sweet.

a girl who doesn't have much

But what I have I want to give.
I have to give.

We are each responsible for our own lives. Making sure that we're healthy - on all levels. Beyond that we are responsible for each other also. We need each other. We were created that way. To need community. To crave community. To thrive in community.

No one wants to go through hard times. No one wants to go through what seems like hell on earth. No one wants their heart broken. No one wants their dreams crushed. But in those times we see what we're made of. We see and know who our friends are. We get to experience a level of love, community and blessing that we may have never known with out the unthinkable pain.

I have a friend who is going through something that I do not know how I would survive. He has depended on God's strength and his friends and family around him. His story has wrecked me!

It is amazing to me how God uses our deepest pain to bring about the most overwhelming joy. I'm believing that for him. I'm thankful that when we don't have strength on our own - God provides people in our lives to give what we need, to remind us of His love.

I don't have much. But what I have I'll give. We'll see what God will do with it!

Pregnant

The longest I've been single (in life) has been 1 year... (after a broken engagement) ...

I love being single. (who would have thought those words would come out of my mouth. let alone be written in my blog!)

It is nice. I think about myself first. I'm taking care of myself. Doing the things that I want to do. Finding out again what I love. My time is my own. My dreams are my own. My friends are my own. I can accidentally meet up with a girlfriend and her family at Applebees on a Friday night. I can on a whim decide to go Salsa Dancing with my sister. Hang out with my family until wee hours in the morning. Plans can change as many times through out the day as I want and it doesn't matter. I have time to read (haven't done that in years). I have time to think for myself. Time to pamper myself. To get to know myself.

My dreams of the future in the past have been to get married, settle down and have kids. (I still would like to do that someday) But first will pursue my dreams (goals) to 1. pay off my debt 2. Travel 3. Further my Experiences and Education 4. Be involved in ministry with women and social justice

I've ignored these things for too many years! Now it's time to accomplish them.

I feel like I'm pregnant.
With dreams of the future.
Where I want to travel - what I want to do.
They are my dreams... not "mine and fill in the blank"

I've been through MANY pregnancies with friends (last year alone 9 friends and 22 acquaintances were pregnant). I've experienced the ups and downs with them. The joy of seeing the first ultrasound picture, the morning/evening sickness, hearing the heartbeat, having swollen feet (and everything else...) feeling the baby kick, seeing the baby move - (CREEPY and so beautiful at the same time). Being amazed that there is a LIFE growing inside of them!

I know there will be joys and sorrows in this pregnancy also! I'll get to see little glimpses of what the future could look like. Little snap shots. There will be times that I just want it over - I will want to see the dream now, hold it NOW. I will be tired of carrying it. But it will be worth it! I can't wait to "birth it" - this may sounds weird... but it's the only way I know how to describe it!

When a woman is pregnant she needs the 9 months of pregnancy - I'm so glad that a baby isn't born within a week of conception (whew - imagine what that would look like)!!

The Mom and Dad need: Time to adjust. Time to enjoy the experiences her body is going through. Time to have good days and bad days. Time to dream about the possibilities of the future. Time to get the room and house ready. To decorate to prepare.

The Baby needs: Time to grow and develop. To be protected when it wouldn't survive on it's own. To be nurtured. Held in the womb. Time to be dreamed about and cherished.

I need: time. To prepare. To develop. To hope. To have good days and bad days. To feel sick to my stomach and dance with joy when I feel movement. I'm excited - because this is my own. Not determined by any other person - or any other thing. I love it!

Jeremiah 29:11
"I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans of a Hope and a Future"

Isaiah 55:8-9
"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts" says the Lord. "And my ways are far beyond what you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."

Those verses make me ecstatic for the future. For today!

I like being preggers! (haha)

"Risky Living" Chris Caine

Most people Run from Lions... Not to them

2 Sam 23:20-23
Beniah chased a lion into the pit and killed it.
Lions run 35mph jump 30ft into the air

The right place often seems like the wrong place and the right time often seems like the wrong time!

If he hadn't ended up in the pit with the lion... Would he have been the kings bodyguard.??

It's in our pits on our worst days that God is preparing US for what he's got planned FOR us!!

Where you are right now... is on the way to where he's taking you!!

Keep taking risks! Keep chasing lions!!

How do we do that? 5 things to do...

1. Learn to defy the odds
The more the odds are stacked against me the greater glory God will get!! That's what God specializes in... God loves the impossible

Matthew 19:26

Hope you're "so far out of the boat people say... That's impossible!" elevate my faith to what is possible with God

Judges 7:1-7

The Lord said to Gideon... You have too many warriors with you! ...
Started with 32,300 men - you're going to take the credit... Because you have enough! I'm going to strip from you the things that you're comfortable with... Just getting you set up for a win!

If it happened the other way you would think it's about you. Your gift

2. Unlearn our fears. Our irrational fears.

2 Tim 1:7

You need an antidote to your fears!! Don't let fear take root! Grab it before it gets out if control!

There are things God wants to do in your life...
DO THINGS afraid!!! The fear doesn't go away if you run from it!!
The fear of failure is not success... It's a little failure!!
Expose yourself to small quantities of what we're afraid of!
Advance with wisdom... Not pulling back in fear

3. See problems in a new way!
See it differently! Keep Gods perspective! Don't zoom in on your problem! Zoom in on God!

Most if our problems don't have to do with our circumstances... They have to do with our perception

We usually reduce God to our biggest problem!

Adversity is the seedbed of opportunity!!

You're not meant to live without tribulation!!
Don't run from it! Engaged in what He's doing! I've got more ground for you to take!

4. Dare to look foolish!
Faith is a willingness to look foolish! Noah looked foolish building an ark in the dessert. Sara buying maternity clothes at 90. ...

1 Corinth 1:27

Normality is highly overrated!!

5. Stay curious playful eager!

2 Sam 6:20-22

God's looking for a generation that says I'm not going to let fear hold me back..

God is calling us to places we've never been!

time well spent down under: THE CLIMB

*Warning - This blog may be all over the place - because I'm so excited!*

Background:
You may or may not guess/know this about me - I am a WUSS - and have been a fearful person most of my life...

Here are some fears - just to list a few
(please don't think that I'm neurotic... actually, if you do I don't really care - because I'm not afraid of what people think anymore!) ha.

Spiders. Being alone. Stairs (or anything that I could see bellow me). Bats. Roller Coasters (if I'm not on the side with the stairs.) Bridges. Not locking the door once I'm home (someone coming in). What people think of me. Not getting to say goodbye to someone I love.

These fears controlled me... paralyzed me. NOT ANYMORE!

I didn't know that I would face my fears and get over them in AU. I had NO CLUE! But I am changed. I'm not fearful anymore. Seriously it's amazing! :OD

I went to Australia gripped by fear. It had provided some sort of sick comfort. I think that I craved attention - so in my fear I got that attention. (ouch the truth is ugly!) There was something that IN being afraid - I was being taken care of. (note - one of my fears is being alone).

Christine Caine (who is one of my favorite women!) was preaching about "risky living" which is definitely NOT ME! I want to live that way - but don't. I liked my fear too much!


She talked about how she was afraid of flying (the woman travels 300 days out of the year now... she CAN'T be afraid of flying!) She wouldn't be able to do what she is MEANT to do - if she was still afraid.

Chris said, "It's time to look fear in the eye and Face Your Fears!" At that moment I KNEW I needed to climb the bridge. My sister and I had talked about doing it - but ran out of time...

I knew I needed to do it by myself! (again... fear of being alone). I wasn't going to tell anybody. I was just going to do it and show the pictures for proof after. BUT if I didn't tell anyone... I could have backed out. So I told a few friends. I called the Bridge Climb office and gave them my check card number and booked the climb (once you book it - you can't get your money back). SO... I was going to do the climb.

The day of the climb came. I gave myself 2 hours to find the place (I'm a bit directionally challenged). Mom called as I was sitting there waiting - so I let her and my sister know that I was doing it... (I was so glad they called - because if that was the last time I talked to anyone - I got to say I love you and they could pass it on!)

I was petrified! I climbed with 9 other people and the Guide "Bernie". We had to introduce ourselves and say why we were doing the climb. I told everyone that I was, "Suzy from MN and I'm climbing the bridge to face my fear of bridges and get over it!" they all clapped. It was nice! Until I had the suite on - everything clamped to me and I was on my way up the ladder!

I seriously didn't think I was going to make it up the 10 foot ladder to a graded podium (that I could see bellow me) and back down. My heart was beating out of my chest and I was beginning to get dizzy. The worst thing is we had to stand on the top of the 10 foot podium and WAIT to get down. I knew I had to concentrate and get serious!

I was right next to the guide. He looked at me and said, "Suzy... your life will be transformed today. When you come off this bridge you'll be a changed women! No one will recognize you - your fear will be gone!" It took everything in me not to start balling! I looked at him - determined (not believing it yet) and said, "AMEN" that's all I could think of!

We began the climb. I was shaking and almost peed my pants - just reciting over and over, "I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who strengthens me. I can do all things... through Christ" It was going over and over in my head while I white-knuckle gripped the railings of the stairs. Then I decided to look around and it changed to, "I AM doing all things! ... Ooh - that's a pretty building. This isn't so bad!" Then it was just steps. No more ladders - and I was latched to the side of the bridge. As long as I didn't look down I was fine!

Then Bernie announced that it was "Suzy's Right of Passage! Time to get over this fear!" The whole group cheered. I looked back and it was as if they were pushing me. I walked across a little cat walk (ABOVE THE 8 LANES OF RUSH HOUR TRAFFIC...) Bernie stopped in the middle and said, "Look Down." So I did. My hands gripped the side as I began to look down. Then it wasn't that bad and I just started laughing!

That was it.
It was over.

I wanted to say, "You don't got nothin' on me!!" Actually... I think I did say that!

How could something that was so paralizing be gone so quickly? I'm not sure but it was!! So I made it to the other side! The group cheered I smiled! Then Bernie started going the wrong way... we HAD to go to the summit and he turned right instead of left to go to the top. So I said, "Bernie, where are you going - we've gotta go to the top to get pictures (so I can PROVE that I did it!)"

He said, (in all his wisdom) "Suzy - sometimes it looks like you're going the wrong direction - but then just at the right moment (he turned on the wire) you realize you're going exactly where you need to." He just kind of giggled. I'm sure by this point he figured out that I like to know exactly what's happening.

Haha... another funny thing that God has been showing me. "I don't have to know it all!" (blog to be posted soon).

So I just laughed and followed!

We made it to the top. I got my pictures. And then we went down.

It was AMAZING! It was life changing. There were moments that I wanted to share it with someone special... but then I was so glad that I did it by myself!!

The best part has been AFTER the climb! There is truly a change in me. I feel it everyday.

I laughed on the way down at the stairs that I was so petrified of on the way up.
I went looking for bats that afternoon. I jumped on the grates on the sidewalk as I walked down the street that day. I just smiled as we drove across the Sydney Harbor Bridge a few days later. 2 spiders made webs in my windows at home (big spiders too... for MN) and I just looked at them and smiled. I love being alone (for the first time in my life). I'm not looking for something or someone to fulfill me! I don't need the attention that fear provided. The trade off is not worth it.

I can proudly say again... I'M NOT AFRAID.

I've had some cool things happen in my life. But I must say that this climb has been the most life changing experience so far! I've been saved from the grip of fear that once held me.

time well spent down under: Face Time

I love how the right people come into our lives at the right time! I also love that we can't know the impact they will have on our lives in the long run - but we can be thankful for today and acknowledge what they mean to us today. Face time with friends in Australia was amazing. I learned things about myself that I didn't know I needed to learn. I saw new things in myself that I haven't seen before.

It was

So much fun.
So much music.
So much laughter.
So many mates.
So many prayers.
So little sleep.
So much uneaten food.
So many chocolate covered strawberries.
So much confusion (interpretation please).
So much family.
So much comfort.
So little internet.
So many "lemon-lime bitters"
So little dancing (cause I can't dance!)
So many "hot drinks"
So many smiles.
So many taxis.
So much snoring. (haha!)
So many trains.
So many Church Services.
So many cards.
So many conversations.

It was nice going through everything face to face.

I don't know if A PERSON can change your life. But I know my life has been changed because you've been in it! No matter what life brings.

I've grown. I continue to grow. It was everything I needed and more.

time well spent down under: Hillsong

"Once your mind is stretched by a tremendous adventure of faith, it will never again return to it's original shape." I won't be the same

I'm trying to collect all of my thoughts about conference - there are so many that I don't know where to start... so let's start with the basics.

Faith. Hope. Love

That was the emphasis at Hillsong Conference 2009.

Faith that Acts.
Hope that Believes.
Love that Trusts.


Faith that Produces.
Hope that Prompts.
Love that Inspires.


Faith in the midst of Circumstance.
Hope for the Future.
Love for Others.


The funny thing about Love is - it's not what love says - but what Love does inside of us! Let's have Hope that doesn't disappoint because of lack of Love! - Pastor Brian

Faith Hope and Love - the greatest of these is Love. 1 Corinth 13

It was amazing to be in a place - with people that are DRIVEN by these 3 things!

Driven by a Faith that is Unshakable. A Hope that is Relentless. A Love that Never Fails. Never gives up. Always trusts. Knows exactly where we're at. Knows what we need. Does not - WILL NOT hold back the best from us. A love that does not keep records of wrongs. A love that if we choose to let it - will change our lives.

LOVE has changed my life.

I believe everything happens for a reason.

People change so you can learn to let go.
Things go wrong so you can appreciate them when they're right.
Sometimes good things fall apart so the Best things can fall together.
-author unknown-

a Beautiful friend of mine gave me this.

It's good to look at life and appreciate what we have! No matter what stage we're in. Whether it's in a time of letting go. A time where things seem to be going wrong. Or when everything seems to be right. Good things in life can fall apart to make way for the Best things to fall together.

Living life - and loving EVERY stage!

this song broke me.

Tear down the walls see the world
Is there something we have missed
Turn from ourselves
Look beyond
There is so much more than this

And I don’t need to see it to believe it
I don’t need to see it to believe it
Cause I can’t shake this
Fire deep inside my heart

Look to the skies hope arise
See His majesty revealed
More than this life there is love
There is hope and this is real

Cause I don’t need to see it to believe it
I don’t need to see it to believe it
Cause I can’t shake this fire burning
Deep inside my heart

This life is Yours and hope is rising
As Your glory floods our hearts
Let love tear down these walls
That all creation would
Come back to You
It’s all for You

Your Name is glorious
Glorious
Your love is changing us
Calling us
To worship in spirit and in truth
As all creation returns to You

Oh for all the sons and daughters
Who are walking in the darkness
You are calling us to lead them back to You
We will see Your spirit rising
As the lost come out of hiding
Every heart will see this hope we have in You

Cause I don’t need to see it to believe it
I don’t need to see it to believe it
Cause I can’t shake this fire burning
Deep inside my heart

This life is Yours and hope is rising
As Your glory floods our hearts
Let love tear down these walls
That all creation would
Come back to You
It’s all for You

Your Name is glorious
Glorious
Your love is changing us
Calling us
To worship in spirit and in truth
As all creation returns to You

Tear Down These Walls - Hillsong United

... It's been a while ...

I just came back from an amazing trip to Australia.

I haven't had consistent internet in about a month and a half. Now it's back to reality! My time in AU was so great! Filled with just about everything that you can imagine. (the stories and blogs will be coming).

It's good to be back! I just spent the weekend with my fam! Laughing, eating, playing cards and doing a lot of nothing... except being together. It's so good to just be in the same room together! We don't get that too often only about twice a year... but those times are the BEST times!!

Love them. So much.

More to come soon. (sorry if it's a lot all at once - there's so much in me to write about). Hope you enjoy! It's been a while

Welcome Home!

A greeting that is painted on the lobby wall at Hillsong Church in Sydney Australia!

This sign was so nice to see when we walked in the church for the first time in February! It will be amazing to see it again in just 2 days!

I can't wait! I've got butterflies in my stomach - actually they've made their way to my throat! I can't wait to see my sister again and to be involved with the Hillsong Conference. People come from all across the world to go to their conference.

It will be nice to catch up with old friends (fast friends while we were there) and to meet new friends!

I'm so excited at the possibilities!

I know that God has got better thoughts and plans for me - than I have. I'm excited to see them unfold. To just be open to what he has for me! His thoughts. His desires! They are higher than my own! I don't understand them. I can't know them. But it's amazing to know that they are more than I could dream of!

I'm excited to go home. "The BEST is yet to come"

Home is where the Heart is...

California

It has been a very needed trip!

How do you prepare for a month away from home? Go to Cali first!

I've had a great time with my newest Advisor (with lia sophia). We've gotten in a lot of training in and have had fun together getting to know each other!

I don't really realize how much I need to relax - until I get a taste of it!

I will have to come back sometime to work less and play more...

Missing Marley

I knew that saying good-bye was going to be hard. But I didn't know how hard it actually would be...

Marley has completely stolen my heart and become such an important part of my life!

The week before I left she was so lovey and snuggly! We had time together that we normally don't have... It was precious!

The day I was leaving as I walked upstairs she heard me open the door and came running across the kitchen with her arms spread so wide... It was the most adorable thing!! I think kids may have a sixth sense... She stayed by my side and walked to the door waving goodbye until we drove off.

I knew that saying goodbye for a month would be hard.... She'll be SO big when I get back. I don't have any neices or nephews yet... She's as close as it gets! They are definitely family. Love them and will miss them!

Imagine Me

I've listened to this song many times on days when I didn't know that I needed to be "built up" - but after hearing it felt so encouraged. It's an amazing song by Kirk Franklin... I believe you can watch it on youtube. Some of the verses struck a chord with me. Hope that they do the same for you!


Imagine me
Loving what I see when the mirror looks at me cause I
I imagine me
In a place of no insecurities
And I'm finally happy cause
I imagine me

Letting go of all of the ones who hurt me
Cause they never did deserve me
Can you imagine me?
Saying no to thoughts that try to control me
Remembering all you told me
Lord, can you imagine me?
Over what my mama said
And healed from what my daddy did
And I wanna live and not read that page again

Imagine me, being free, trusting you totally finally I can...
Imagine me
I admit it was hard to see
You being in love with someone like me
But finally I can...
Imagine me

Being strong
And not letting people break me down
You won't get that joy this time around
Can you imagine me?
In a world where nobody has to live afraid
Because of your love all fear is gone away
Can you imagine me?

Letting go of my past
And glad I have another chance
And my heart will dance
'Cause I don't have to read that page again

Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone - the storm is over now.